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[The Curmudgeon]

Here's a head scratcher for you, fellow Fortress Dwellers - do you remember the time a major movie came out that was based on an original idea, not some book (comic or otherwise) interpretation or that other favourite of lazy Hollywood - the dreaded REMAKE.

Seriously, browse through a list of some of the biggest movies over the last few years. Here's a quick heads up..

King Kong - Remake
Chronicles Of Narnia - Book Adap.
Lord Of The Rings - Book Adap.
The Ring - Jap Remake
Hills Have Eyes - Remake
Fog - Remake
Texas Chainsaw Massacre - Remake
Da Vinci Code - Book Adap.
War Of The Worlds - Book Adap.
Charlie's Angels - Remake
Dukes Of Hazzard - Remake
Shaft - Remake

And that's just a random few names that popped into my head. Add the Batmans and Spidey's and Superman Returns, not to mention the countless Japanese horror remakes and utterly redundant sequels (Basic Instinct 2?) and you have a movie industry that is, creatively speaking, dead in the water.

I can understand remaking movies that are more than a little well-worn. The likes of Nosferatu, for example, could do with a re-telling for a modern audience. But with the studio exec's hunger for a hit film they'll plunder anything with a remotely famous name to draw in the punters. Hence the countless shabby horror remakes we've had to endure (and keep on enduring).

And let's not forget the plethora of TV shows that have been updated and remade for the movie going audience. Again, anything with even a remotely famous name is getting pillaged and repackaged for a generation who are quickly earning no identity for themselves.

I don't know what age you lot are, but when The Curmudgeon was growing up we had the likes of Back To The Future, Star Wars, Gremlins, Goonies, E.T, Indiana Jones, Aliens, Predator and countless others to watch - original, innovative movies that you didn't already know the endings to. This generation? "Oh yeah - we had King Kong. And Narnia. And War Of The Worlds. Who doesn't know how THEY end?"

It's a bad situation, my friends. And sadly - it's going to get worse.

[InvisibleWolfMan]

Remakes.

The name envokes only two choices:

1) Love 'em
2) Hate 'em

Sadly, it's the latter we're often subjected to. I'm a hard one to convince that a remake is needed. I'll see it out of morbid curiosity, but mostly I hate remakes. I just hate when they make a remake of of movie I enjoy. Texas Chainsaw Massacre was like the Psycho remake...interesting in theory but failed miserably in practice. Yet I have to own them as I am a fan of the originals. Now, I can forgive the TCM remake a bit if I think of it more like a sequel...it was certainly better than the gutted out shell of TCM 4 : The Next Generation. And what kind of title was that anyways? I kept expect to hear Picard say "Leatherface, you have the bridge."

The only, only remake of anything I'll admit is a guilty pleasure is DUKES OF HAZARD. Why? Well, for starters...Sean William Scott made Bo Duke absolutely his own crazed car maniac and kept that up the whole film. Hell, he's 70% of my enjoyment. The other 30% comes from Willie Nelson as Uncle Jessie (a fine choice) and the much underrated performance of Burt Renoylds as Boss Hogg. He actually seemed to try to capture the original Season 1 idea of Boss Hogg being just plain evil...not bumbling evil as he became in Season 2 (I'll get you Dukes if it's the last thing I'll do!")

That aside... my nose is still fuming with the putrid smell of Hollywood money for remakes like it does when I step in dog shit...

****BAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFF***

[The Curmudgeon]

I haven't seen it, but the only reason I would want to see Dukes of Hazzard is..

movies.warnerbros.com/pub/movie/dukes/dukes_lo/images/DHD-2551.jpg

Don't want to sound like a hypocrite here or anything, but one remake I DO want to see is Knight Rider - but ONLY if it's still The Hoff driving. Anyone else would be verging on blasphemy.

[InvisibleWolfMan]

Jessica Simpson.

Nice eye candy, but she couldn't act her way through breakfast. Poor Cathrine Bach is rolling over in her grave....and she isn't even dead yet.

I think your review of Jessica's THESE BOOTS ARE MADE FOR WALKIN' and her lame attempt at a southern drawl goes ditto for her *ppbff, snicker* acting.

[The Curmudgeon]

"Rolling over in her grave.. and she isn't even dead yet."

Congrats, Wolfman - you made The Curmudgeon laugh. Consider THAT joke stolen.

[Ben]

I am not a fan of remakes myself. I completely agree, just the other day me and my pals were talking about how Hollywood is running out of original ideas. I for one, am tired of seeing original films buried on DVD racks by the remakes. Two of the worst remakes over the past two years:

Flight of the Phoenix- sucked because of Dennis Quaid and stupid additions to the plot.

Assault on Precinct 13- Ja Rule? guhuh.

I won't ramble on about all the remakes that have bombed in Ben's world, but I will say this: The Curmudgeon has very good taste.
Every film he listed that was around when he was growing up is in my own personal collection.

Curmudgeon, I guess you could consider me "the new generation," and I'm here to tell you not all of us have become absorbed in the remakes and book adaptions. Some of us, like me, still do enjoy films with plots and/or original ideas. Predator, Alien, and Back to the Future will always rank in my top SCI-FI films of all time.

[InvisibleWolfMan]

The Curmudgeon,

If I can make you laugh, by all means steal that joke! And what's my prize for all this laughter I handed out?

All kidding aside, I agree with Ben that you have quite good taste in movies...hell, I own alot of the same titles that you do and would own the rest if I could manage it!

Hollywood is a tired beast these days. It wants nothing more than to relive the glory days. Not many people go to the movies these days. Well, let's start with ticket prices. How much have they risen? I've heard that in California some theaters cost $15-$18 to get into. When compared to the $10-$20 spent on a decent DVD release, many with special features on a second disc, it's no wonder people don't care to drag themselves out of their chairs and into the theater. At home, you can relax as much as possible, not contend with people who shout or throw stuff, don't have to stand in line one bit for things like the bathroom or snacks or even tickets for that matter. Just put it in, press PLAY and away you go.

Hollywood has also been stupid to pay these "stars" such high prices. Sharon Stone snagged $15 million for BASIC INSTINCTS 2 and so far...it's only earned $3 million. Isn't that a neon warning sign at all to the studios to stop paying actors that amount? They may bring box office draw, but there are very few old school actors like Pacino or DeNiro that can make me give a shit these days.

And on top of that, these crapfest movies & remakes try to either take themselves too seriously (Red Dragon) or have too much of a wink/nod attitude that leaves the viewer with whiplash (insert TV show movie remake here). It takes the fun out of just watching the action unfold. A movie that defies gravity like MONSTER SQUAD or THE GOONIES is just unable to be found these days. Which brings us back to The Curmudgeon's point: the movies today are unoriginal!

Most people would rather watch "American Pie: Band Camp Invades Wedding and Rots The Core" for the price of a rental than for the price of a ticket.

Hear that, Hollywood? That's the sound of your fortune, flushing down the toilet....

[The Curmudgeon]

OK, let's play a game.. let's play - The Remake Game!

Here's the rules. We each have to list five Hollywood remakes of original films. Doesn't matter if they were remade 20 years ago, but book adaptations don't count (so no Charlie and The Chocolate Factory or Dracula).

We'll see just how long this list is..

1. Red Dragon (Manhunter).
2. King Kong
3. Nosferatu
4. Godzilla
5. Psycho

Over to you, guys..

[InvisibleWolfMan]

6. Texas Chainsaw Massacre
7. The Hills Have Eyes
8. Planet Of The Apes
9. The Omen
10. Cruel Intentions (Dangerous Liasions)
11. Village Of The Damned
12. Cat People
13. Insomnia
14. Three Men & A Baby
15. Father Of The Bride
16. Father Of The Bride II (Father's Little Dividend was the original)
17. Father's Day
18. The Birdcage
19. Scarface
20. We're No Angles
21. Hamlet
22. Othello (O is the remake...God help us)
23. Romeo & Juliet
24. Henry V
25. Macbeth
26. Night Of The Living Dead
27. Dawn Of The Dead
28. The Last House On The Left (based on THE VIRGIN SPRING, also LHOTL will soon be remade as well as talks are in discussion thanks to THE HILLS HAVE EYES)

Sorry, I know you only said 5 but these poped right into my head. Oh, and I know you said no book adaptions but do plays such as HAMLET and OTHELLO count?

[The Curmudgeon]

Well, yeah. No plays or adaps from literature. Talking straight-out movie remakes. OK, here's some more since you've upped the ante..

29. Invaders From Mars
30. The Blob
31. The Fly
32. The Grudge
33. The Thing
34. Pink Panther
35. Shaggy Dog


And.. uh.. mind's gone blank. Sure there's more though..

[Ben]

I've got a few...

36. Flight of the Phoenix
37. Assault on Precinct 13
38. Herbie: Fully Loaded
39. The Amityville Horror
40. The Jackal
41. Cape Fear
42. Mission Impossible (loosely based on Topkapi 1964)
43. Ocean's Eleven
44. Flubber

[InvisibleWolfMan]

Sadly, the next one to add to that list will be:

45. Clash Of The Titans

www.aintitcool.com/display.cgi?id=23178

I'm sorry Ray....Hollywood isn't happy until it shits on you, too!

"Oh, the humanity!"

[The Curmudgeon]

That's it. I'm going to go punch someone in the throat.

[InvisibleWolfMan]

While you're at it....gouge out their eyes for me, will you? They don't deserve them!

[The Curmudgeon]

While you're at it....gouge out their eyes for me, will you? They don't deserve them!