IWMs Song Of The Week: Asshole

[InvisibleWolfMan]

Here I am, ready on time this week. Not that I'm keeping score, mind you. Once again, I'm picking something out of the ordinary but yet catchy. I've got many found memories of singing this during car trips with my good friend. I knew this song so well that one time on a trip home from a football game one of the players sitting next to me wanted to hear it on my cassette (yes...CASSETTE) player and I was able to sing along perfectly without hearing it via the headphones. Spooked the guy out.

Oh, and sorry in advance but you'll HAVE to click on it so it takes you to youtube to watch it. Every clip of it has been disabled by request.



Denis Leary - Asshole

Folks
I'd like to sing a song about the American Dream
About ME
About YOU
About the way our American hearts beat way down in the bottom of our chests
About that special feeling we get in the
Cockles of our hearts
Maybe below the cockles
Maybe in the sub-cockle area
Maybe in the liver
Maybe in the kidneys
Maybe even in the colon
We don't know

I'm just a regular Joe
With a regular job
I'm your average white
Suburbanite slob
I like football and porno
And books about war
I've got an average house
With a nice hardwood floor
My wife and my job
My kids and my car
My feet on my table
And a Cuban cigar

But sometimes that just ain't enough
To keep a man like me interested
Oh no
No way
Uh-uh
No I've gotta go out and have fun
At someone else's expense
Woah yeah
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I drive really slow
In the ultra fast lane
While people behind me
Are going insane

I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, such an asshole)

I use public toilets
And I piss on the seat
I walk around in the summer time saying
"How about this heat?"

I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)

Sometimes I park
In handicapped spaces
While handicapped people
Make handicapped faces

I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's a real fucking asshole)

Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong
NAAAAHHHHHHHHH

I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)

You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac Eldorado convertible
Hot pink
With whale skin hubcaps
And all leather cow interior
And brown baby seal eyes for head lights YEAH!
And I'm gonna drive in that baby at 115 miles per hour
Gettin' 1 mile per gallon,
Sucking down Quarter Pounder cheeseburgers from McDonald's
In the old fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers
And when I'm done sucking down those greaseball burgers
I'm gonna wipe my mouth with the American flag
And then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers RIGHT out the side
And there ain't a GODDAMN thing anybody can do about it
You know why?

Because we've got the bombs, that's why!

Two words;
Nuclear fucking weapons, OK?
Russia, Germany, Romania
They can have all the democracy they want
They can have a big democracy cakewalk
Right through the middle of Tienanmen Square
And it wont make a lick of difference
Because we've got the bombs, OK?

John Wayne's not dead, he's frozen!
And as soon as we find a cure for cancer
We're gonna thaw out the duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off
You know why?
Have you ever taken a cold shower?
Well, multiply that by 15 million times
Thats how pissed off the dukes gonna be!
I'm gonna get the Duke, and John Cassavetes,
and Lee Marvin(Hey!), and Sam Peckinpah(Hey!), and a case of whiskey(Hey!),
and drive down to Texas and say.....

Hey! Hey! Hey!

You know, you really are an asshole?!!

Why don't you just shut up and sing the song, pal?

I'm an asshole (he's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (he's the world's biggest asshole)

A - S - S - H - O - L - E

Everybody!

A - S - S - H - O - L - E

I'm an asshole
And I'm proud of it

[trashcanman]

A comedy-rock classic for sure. My friend's band used to cover this one. I was so poor when it came out that all of my music was taped from the radio. That was back when they played stuff that was worth listening to. Imagine some poor kid trying to do that today. It'd be like subsisting entirely on Twinkies.

[The Curmudgeon]

Awesome stuff. I'd never heard that before, thanks for that. I love clever, not obvious observational comedy that you can really relate to but you had never really thought about it before. Guys that talk about the weather really DO piss me off. They ARE assholes!

Talking about the change in quality in commerical music, how about the snippets they used to have on MTV of Dennis Leary walking around ranting about stuff? Imagine what they'd have now? Fucking Brooke Hogan or some other worthless scab.