Post by The Curmudgeon on Nov 11, 2009 14:45:07 GMT 2
This Is (Sh)it
Hello. Fancy killing 30 minutes? Why not pop online and watch some of the gazillion videos making fun of Michael Jackson. You know, the SNL skits, the baroom-boom-tish punchlines of a thousand stand-up comedians, the parody video's.. then you could read the hundreds of articles, tabloid rumours, journalist's jokes and.. what's that? They're not there anymore? And all that's left are the same people making misty eyed statements about how he was a legend, an icon, thebestforeverandeveramen? That's odd. What happened to change everything?
That's right - he died.
Because for years now - YEARS - Michael Jackson has not been seen as one of the greatest entertainers the world has ever seen, has not been known as a universe away from the X Factor spun grinning fools that pass off as "pop stars" nowadays. Michael Jackson was a joke. Whether it was his plastic surgery, his silly voice, the whole kiddy-fiddling scandal.. think the Bo Selecta Michael Jackson character. Think Eminem's pointless, unfunny "Lose It" video that was basically a toothless attack on MJ. Think The Simpson's ("it's just something they made up to scare kids, like the boogeyman or Michael Jackson"). As much as the glassy-eyed weirdo fans will deny it - Michael Jackson's musical career had long since departed. He wasn't, as some people will try to insist now, in the peak of his career. He wasn't going to make some monster comeback. You don't even need to look for clues in the "This is It" title. MJ said it himself - this was it for him. One last big series of shows and then retirement. He may have had the mental capacity of a 10 year old boy, but MJ knew when his number was up.
And you'd have to be a considerable zealot to argue otherwise. His last real album, Invincible, was released in 2001, and it was slated by the media and pretty much tanked everywhere. So what the hell had MJ been doing for 8 years until now? Certainly not releasing new songs, that's for sure. His record company were perfectly happy to keep churning out the same Greatest Hits over and over again. Check this out, and bear in mind HIStory from 1995 was already a pretty much definitive Greatest Hits album.
2003 - Number Ones. A Michael Jackson Best of.
2004 - The Ultimate Collection. A Michael Jackson Best of.
2005 - The Essential Collection. A Michael Jackson Best of.
2006 - Visionary: The Video Collection. A Mic.. do I need to keep writing this bit?
2008 - Thriller: 25 Years. The Thriller album with new cover versions. Also inducted in Amazon's Room 101 by The Curmudgeon.
2008 - King of Pop. A, yup, Michael Jackson Best of.
2009 - The Collection. All four Michael Jackson albums released in a box.
2009 - Hello World. A Michael Jackson Best of from his Motown years.
2009 - Stripped Remixes - The Motown Years, Stripped. I have no idea what that means.
2009 - The Definitive Collection. A Michael Jackzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
And not forgetting the fact they re-released every MJ single, one a week, in 2008. And let's not forget that Blood on the Dancefloor was a Hits - Remixed album too. Starting to see a pattern, or have your eyes started to cross inside your head reading all that?
So, with the no doubt tragic death of Michael Jackson behind us, are you ready? Really ready? Really, really, REALLY ready? Because we've got This Is It - another best of! Tell you what, I'm SO glad I'm not some die-hard Michael fan; I would be heartily sick of buying "Beat It" by now.
But, of course, the real star in this millionth re-release is, get this - the NEW song. That's right, there is actually another Michael Jackson song in existence that hasn't been re-released. And get this - you can't buy it as a single! No, on Amazon or iTunes, if you want that new song, dedicated, grieving fans, you're going to have to stump up and buy the entire album once again to go with your legion of other MJ Essential, Visionary, Ultimate, Definitive, Optimus Prime best of's. Interesting you can buy all the other tracks individually, just not that one. Yeah, can't think why that would be.
So, unbelievably cynical and greedy record company manipulation aside, what of that brand new (cough, years old out-take, cough) song? Because when you think MJ singles, you think some of the very best pop hits since the dawn of man. Beat It, Billy Jean, Thriller, Smooth Criminal, Bad, Black or White.. how does "This Is It" compare?
Warning bells always clang when it's a slow MJ song (let's face it, 9 times out of 10 they're usually awful), and this is easily the worst. Yes, even worse than "Cry." A limp, ho-hum ballad that was obviously (and deservedly) left on the cutting room floor many moons ago was NOT the last gasp of Michael Jackson we wanted to hear.
And yet, the fans who have stood by and cherished MJ all these years will have to pay for a full album of songs they've owned a hundred times just to hear it. Hell, even if the new song was as good as Thriller that would still be an awfully bitter pill to swallow. The fact it's easily his worst ever "single", if you can even call it that, turns that same bitter pill into a hockey puck.
Guys, by all means celebrate the work of Michael Jackson. Throw your hat to the floor, try and Moonwalk, grab your crotch, saw "owww" - all that. Certainly buy Off the Wall, Thriller, Bad and HIStory (even Dangerous if you want). Leave the cluttering, grasping Best of's and this pointless, needlessly exploitive cash-in on the shelf gathering dust. Remember him that way.
