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Post by The Curmudgeon on May 24, 2010 19:29:56 GMT 2
 The lowest of the low just got lower.He's fat. He's white. He's fat, he's fat, he's white. Fat fat white, fat fat white, it's the Kingston and Bieber showwwwwwww. I need to try and keep this light. I need to keep cheerful, bright and breezy because if I let the world-ending awfulness of this song seep into my soul I may well end up tooling up and heading out into the streets to commit mass murder. Seriously.. Justin Bieber, the first or second most horrific pop act in 10 years, paired with Sean Kingston, also the first or second most horrific pop act in 10 years.. together? What cackling, hand-rubbing evil Hellbeast thought THAT one up? OK.. let's calm down together, shall we? I need to keep a clear head if we're going to get through this. These two harbingers of doom have, of course, graced The Curmudgeon's reviews before, as they both took rightful residence in the Offical Room 101 of Amazon. And as a rule, I often induct a terrible artist once, sometimes twice, and then let them rot in their own stench. After all, it'd be no fun for anyone if I reviewed every musical bowel movement of, say, R Kelly, would it? So whilst it was oh-so tempting to review "Baby" by Justin, which managed to catapult any remaining shreds of integrity Ludacris may have once had straight into the nearest sewer, I relented. And poor old Kinston has already made an elephant sized hole in this collection of reviews THREE times. I really should have let this one go. But I just can't. If we really are to document the worst of the worst, then this un-Godly pairing must not go un-noticed. Kingston and Bieber.. together. Brrrrr. It chills the blood. Anyway, the song. No surprises for guessing what a song called "Eenie Meenie" uses to fiendishly clever effect; the playground rhyme of the same name, and when you've got songwriting of that standard, it really would be arrogance to change it in any major way, right? So remove the word "tiger" from the song (or even the N-Bomb in the more, er, traditional use) and replace it with, for some bewildering reason, "bad chick." So grabbing girls by their toes until they holler. Riiiiight. And the quality doesn't, or can't, dip any lower than that. Cram in the essential use of the word "Shawty", which by Federal Law must exist in every single Sean Kingston song, take in the fact that Kingston, 20, is after the same girl as Justin, 15 (someone's going to jail, anyway) and you've got your wretched, wretched song. Oh, not forgetting Justin, sounding like a 9 year old girl, informing said Shawty's that they're missing "paradise" if they're not with him. Or, at least, a guy who could pass for your little sister. I'm sure he's actually even wearing pink lip gloss in the video. Seriously. It is, of course, abysmal. But we've come to expect that from these two, what's really surprising is how gut-churning and nauseating it really is. A lazy, uninspired pairing of two horrible acts with a worthless, idiotic song. Kingston's manager must know his shelf-life is almost up (remember when he was paired with that other flash in the pan disaster, Natasha Bedingfield?) and so joining forces with the next six month wonder must seem like easy money. And if you can't find another reality show bound rapper to try and boost Justin's credibility? Look, make him duet with the fat black kid. Instant kerching. Now, I get that this is aimed at children (especially stupid children), so they can squeal and swoon and text their equally stupid friends about how "amazzzin Justin is" and I hate kids as much as the next guy but.. Hells bells, even THEY deserve better than this. Kids, if you're reading this - Santa's not real, any school friendships you have now will be meaningless in a few years, vampires don't sparkle and Justin Bieber isn't sooooooo talented and hot and a gr8 singer. He is, in fact, the Anti-Christ. With pink lips. You're welcome. See: Justin Bieber and Sean Kingston - Eenie Meenie www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyDjck3xudk |
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Post by trashcanman on May 24, 2010 20:51:02 GMT 2
Wow. I just watched the entire thing. I never watch the entire thing. That was like a fucking train wreck. I'll admit that the chorus is super-catchy, but god that whole thing was so wrong. The auto-tune, the implied statutory rape, the creep smiling tubby singer, and most of all that little girl (no way that's a dude) trying to look all manly and emotional about this childrens song by making that constipated John Mayer face and singing robot-style R&B.
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Post by The Curmudgeon on May 24, 2010 20:53:51 GMT 2
My response whenever someone says, 'yeah.. but it's catchy' is always the same. So is AIDS.
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Post by trashcanman on May 25, 2010 20:26:27 GMT 2
Yup.
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Post by lostfan4842 on Nov 21, 2010 16:05:40 GMT 2
ORIGINAL COMMENT FROM AMAZON.COM
What kind of pathetic person are you? The ANTI-CHRIST? Give me a break you jackass. Another thing, why the HELL did you spend that much time writing that horrible review? Get a life!!
Finally, you couldn't be more wrong about the talent thing. If he wasn't talented, guess what? HE WOULDN'T BE DOING WHAT HE IS NOW. That is just very common, simple logic. As easy as it gets. You're
just ignorant to the actual facts.
Reply to this, I dare you. I will then delve into all your other useless, ignorant comments in this review.
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Nov 21, 2010 16:17:04 GMT 2
ORIGINAL COMMENT FROM AMAZON.COM
"Reply to this, I dare you." Oh my God, why, what happens if I reply? Will you come and hunt me down? Attack me? Kill me in my sleep? Eat my legs? Now I'm worried, I'd heard that Lostfan4841 was all KINDS of sick mad crazy. Listen, I'm sorry if I offen.. oh, wait. You're Lostfan4842. You're the other guy. Let me just check my Amazon User Guide... ah yes. You're a pitiful, naive crumb.
So you think that just because he's successful means he's super talented? OK. I see. Sigh, how many times do I have to trot out this conversation for the permanently baffled? So does that explain why William Hung now has about four albums, even though he's famously talentless? How about the Crazy Frog? That novelty tat beat Coldplay to number one in the UK. Does that make him/it/them/whatever more talented than Coldplay? You see where I'm going with this, you brainwashed idiot? Just because a million teenage girls with learning difficulties buy your record, it doesn't make you talented in the SLIGHTEST.
But anyway, I urge you to "delve" further, Lostfan4842. But do tell Lostfan4841 I said hi first.
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Post by trashcanman on Nov 22, 2010 10:34:08 GMT 2
Wow. This oughtta be fun.
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Post by lostfan4842 on Nov 22, 2010 15:36:32 GMT 2
ORIGINAL COMMENT FROM AMAZON.COM
I have no reply to your first paragraph besides... you're a total *ouchebag.
"I need to try and keep this light. I need to keep cheerful, bright and breezy because if I let the world-ending awfulness of this song seep into my soul I may well end up tooling up and heading out into the streets to commit mass murder. Seriously.. Justin Bieber, the first or second most horrific pop act in 10 years, paired with Sean Kingston, also the first or second most horrific pop act in 10 years.. together? What cackling, hand-rubbing evil Hellbeast thought THAT one up?"
You don't like the music...obviously pop is not you're genre. Accept that, and GET OVER YOURSELF. Guess what? If you're not a teenage girl, you're not SUPPOSED to like it. It is not marketed towards you. But obviously you're too ignorant to see that.
"Oh, not forgetting Justin, sounding like a 9 year old girl, informing said Shawty's that they're missing "paradise" if they're not with him."
First of all, moron, Justin is 16. And was 16 at the time of the review. And a 9 year old girl? You have some serious hearing issues if you think the boy who hadn't finished puberty sounded like a 9 year old girl. There is a CLEAR difference between girls' and boys' voices, so leave that petty "insult" out of it.
"Or, at least, a guy who could pass for your little sister. I'm sure he's actually even wearing pink lip gloss in the video. Seriously."
Again, this kind of commentary just shows how stupid you are. Do me a favor and google "9 year old girl". Then compare your picture to the music video of this.
"Kingston's manager must know his shelf-life is almost up"
Ludacris too, right?
"Now, I get that this dross is aimed at children (especially stupid children), so they can squeal and swoon and text their equally stupid friends about how "amazzzin Justin is""
I'm thrilled, but if that were true you wouldn't have even bothered wasting ANY time on this.
"and I hate kids as much as the next guy but."
Shows how old you really are, which makes it even more pathetic you care so much about a teen pop act. Also, shows you are a real loser.
"any school friendships you have now will be meaningless in a few years,"
Only you, only you. You come across as having other problems in life, no...?
"He is, in fact, the Anti-Christ."
Now this just proves you're a total idiot..
"So you think that just because he's successful means he's super talented? OK. I see. Sigh, how many times do I have to trot out this conversation for the permanently baffled? So does that explain why William Hung now has about four albums, even though he's famously talentless? How about the Crazy Frog? That novelty tat beat Coldplay to number one in the UK. Does that make him/it/them/whatever more talented than Coldplay? You see where I'm going with this, you brainwashed idiot? Just because a million teenage girls with learning difficulties buy your record, it doesn't make you talented in the SLIGHTEST."
Clearly you didn't see how I specifically worded that paragraph. Again, you're flat out ignorant to the facts. Before you attempt to make an argument it's good to get educated on the damn subject. So in your next reply, please tell me, how did Justin Bieber get famous?
Looking at your profile, The Curmudgeon, I see:
Helpful votes received on reviews, lists & guides: 37% (789 of 2,144)
That is absolutely pathetic. So tell me, is your opinion really worth ANYTHING, at all? No. It's not. I will not acknowledge a great majority of the bull**** you will spit out in your next post, but will of course, and least, address the talent part.
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Nov 22, 2010 16:08:05 GMT 2
ORIGINAL COMMENT FROM AMAZON.COM
Aww, you didn't "dare" me to reply to this post. You're no fun, Lostfan4842. Man, is that name ever a mouthful. That was seriously the best name you could think of? When you decided to join Amazon and share your, ahem, cough, "opinions" (ho ho, I'm sorry. People like YOU - with opinions! The very idea is insane) on other people, "Lostfan4842" was the pick of the litter? Why not call yourself "Unoriginal, thought-free simpleton" and be done with it? Try and have a LITTLE identity in your life, it'll make that moment in your basement, when you finally step off that stool, noose firmly attached, all the more poignant.
Anywayyyy.. let's all just pretend to forget that you responded to something I said by calling me a "*ouchebag." I actually felt a little bit embarrassed for you at that point. So, as a personal favour from me to you, let's eliminate that from the proceedings. It's OK, you're new to this. You can thank me later. And let's ALSO pretend you didn't just ask me to google images of 9 year old girls. I don't care WHAT you've got on your hard-drive, Lostfan4842. I just don't roll that way.
Who says I don't like pop music? You moron, have you even READ any of my other reviews? Obviously not, because time and time again I state that I very much AM a fan of, wait for it, GOOD pop music. And guess what, mouth-breather? Justin Bieber is not GOOD pop music. He's everything that is wrong with the whole genre. So before telling anyone to "get over it and move on" (did you swallow a book of cliche's or something? You can just stop all that nonsense at once, as well) perhaps, when someone has written over 100 reviews based on the very worst things available on Amazon, it would be wise to do a little bit of research first. You see fit to look up my profile to see how many helpful marks I get, you write essay long hate messages directed towards me, but you won't even do that? How very odd.
And here's another shocker - I fully expected, even when I started this, to get a high number of "not helpful" votes. That's fine, I'm not in this to hit any top ten Amazon rankings. I'm doing a public service, highlighting the worst of the worst; terrible music, awful movies - and yeah, I'm going to upset a lot of people doing that, hence lots of negativity. You see, people who lack any taste, intelligence or common sense when it comes to popular culture tend to enjoy the lowest of the low. And when I point out that they're wasting their lives absorbing this garbage, they get upset. You know, exactly like what's happening here.
And whilst you lambast me for being "ignorant" and that I need to "get educated on the damn subject", why not take a quick peek back at some of my other reviews, which Bieber's "One Time" sits proudly alongside, and in THAT review I mention how he became famous. Fancy that.
So here's your homework, you walking facepalm. Before you even dare attempt to address the likes of The Curmudgeon, learn a little something about them first. Class dismissed.
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Post by trashcanman on Nov 23, 2010 10:12:20 GMT 2
Come on, C. This person is clearly a fan of Lost and also of 4842. Or maybe this girl is the 4842nd person to have chosen to identity themselves only as a fan of Lost. She's obviously very in touch with her own identity as a fan of Lost. And also 4842. Hence lostfan4842. Shows how ignorant you are. Stupid Curmudgeon doesn't even realize that being famous is entirely about how talented you are. Why else would Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie be all superfamous? Duh!
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Nov 23, 2010 14:50:51 GMT 2
Hey, don't get me wrong, I GET the love for 4842. I'm a bit of a fan myself, but TheCurmudgeonfanof4842 wouldn't fit on my profile, otherwise it would SO be that right now. And I was going to call this site The Fortress of 4842, but that's already been taken. Obviously.
Man, I've been so blinkered for all these years. It's not about good songs, being able to write, like, lyrics and playing stupid instruments. It's about how many people know your name. What an idiot I've been.
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Post by lostfan4842 on Nov 24, 2010 12:01:44 GMT 2
ORIGINAL COMMENT FROM AMAZON.COM
The whole thing with the name just shows your immaturity. Unlike you (how creative your name is...), I really could care about a nickname someone gives themselves on the internet. I do though know from experience some will tend to target the username in an attempt to move away from the main point/argument.
"Try and have a LITTLE identity in your life, it'll make that moment in your basement, when you finally step off that stool, noose firmly attached, all the more poignant."
I should be saying THIS kind of crap to you, the lowlife loser who sits on his computer posting mindless reviews with his life.
"And let's ALSO pretend you didn't just ask me to google images of 9 year old girls. I don't care WHAT you've got on your hard-drive, Lostfan4842. I just don't roll that way."
Again, moving away from the point to avoid being proved wrong. Pathetic. You're not so good at this yourself.
"I'm doing a public service, highlighting the worst of the worst; terrible music, awful movies - and yeah, I'm going to upset a lot of people doing that, hence lots of negativity."
You're not doing a public service to anyone, hence all the "Not helpful" feedback.
"You see, people who lack any taste, intelligence or common sense when it comes to popular culture tend to enjoy the lowest of the low. And when I point out that they're wasting their lives absorbing this garbage, they get upset. You know, exactly like what's happening here."
Ohhh Curmudgeon, you pretentious idiot. Did I say ANYWHERE that I like his music? Hmmm... ouch. Go back and check up on that one.
Notice I didn't reply to most of your bull, because clearly you are no better than a troll on a message board with all your ramblings. One thing I was happy to see was your clever little redirect to your One Time review. Unfortunately, your ignorance was only put on display again in this excerpt.
"So who is this pond-life anyway? Well, he was discovered on Youtube, that well-known talent magnet, putting him in the same company as that "Leave Britney alone" abomination and the unfunny video of that ugly child coming back from the dentist. So he had videos of himself singing on Youtube when some predator/record company exec spotted him and signed him to a record label. It's the stuff dreams, or in this case, nightmares, are made of."
Before I address your ignorance...
"that well-known talent magnet, putting him in the same company as that "Leave Britney alone" abomination and the unfunny video of that ugly child coming back from the dentist."
Wow. Youtube has some of the most talented people you'll ever see in your life posting videos. That is absolutely not even up for discussion, and the fact that you implied Youtube does not have talent on it makes you look like an idiot. Back to the point..
You forgot to mention that he was ALREADY famous before his agent found him. He already had hundreds of thousands of views, and thousands of comments. This all ties back to the talent thing, so tell me: before he was even signed, why in the hell did he get that attention from the general public, or people like you (assuming you are the least bit normal when you aren't posting your hateful, pointless reviews)? MAYBE, just MAYBE it had something to do with his vocal talent.
By the way, you have to have talent to be able to play five different instruments. Argue with that, please......I dare you.
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Nov 24, 2010 12:03:59 GMT 2
ORIGINAL COMMENT FROM AMAZON.COM
OK, hang on. A few things need to be addressed here because this is rapidly spiralling out of control. First of all, if someone makes a joke and doesn't seem to be taking this as seriously as you are, that's not them "moving away from the point to avoid being wrong", that's them having some fun at someone too humourless and stupid to understand it.
Now then. You don't like Justin Bieber. You're not a fan. Yet you somehow end up on Amazon, reading reviews of some terrible, pretty much forgotten single? Hell, when I got an e-mail saying I had a comment on a review of "Eenie Meenie", I couldn't remember what on earth it was. So you just happened to come across this review, of a song you don't like, of a singer you don't like? And you spend some considerable time defending and arguing about that song and artist you don't like? Riiiiiight. And you're accusing ME of having no life? That is staggering. At least me reviewing this had a POINT. What the HELL is your excuse??
And so all of this petulance from you is all because of his "talent"? Where, in what part of the review, anywhere, in this or even in the "One Time" review, did I say he wasn't talented? Can you find it? I'll wait so you can double check. You may find I never called him "talentless." Yeah he's got a nice singing voice, I'll give him that. But if that, to you, is what passes as "talent" then you really have no clue about music. Every cretin that shuffles onto the X Factor or American Idol finals have "talent", in that they can sing in tune and remember words to a song written for them. Same with Susan Boyle. Same with Celine Dion. And yes, same with Bieber.
Don't you get it? I don't CARE if he sings nicely or not. That was never in question, of COURSE he can. But he's still everything - and more - I said he was in those reviews. Loathsome. And the songs themselves, sung sweetly or not, are some of the most vapid, depressing, empty pieces of vanilla dross I've heard in years. THAT is why he deserves to be inducted here, and your pointless, red-faced bluster will do nothing to change that.
So are we done here?
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Post by lostfan4842 on Nov 25, 2010 15:03:54 GMT 2
ORIGINAL COMMENT FROM AMAZON.COM
"OK, hang on. A few things need to be addressed here because this is rapidly spiralling out of control. First of all, if someone makes a joke and doesn't seem to be taking this as seriously as you are, that's not them "moving away from the point to avoid being wrong", that's them having some fun at someone too humourless and stupid to understand it."
I completely understand it, the point is that you were moving away from the argument with your "jokes".
"Now then. You don't like Justin Bieber. You're not a fan. Yet you somehow end up on Amazon, reading reviews of some terrible, pretty much forgotten single? Hell, when I got an e-mail saying I had a comment on a review of "Eenie Meenie", I couldn't remember what on earth it was. So you just happened to come across this review, of a song you don't like, of a singer you don't like? And you spend some considerable time defending and arguing about that song and artist you don't like? Riiiiiight. And you're accusing ME of having no life? That is staggering. At least me reviewing this had a POINT. What the HELL is your excuse??"
What? I'm a fan of HIS, not of his music, with the exception of "Pray" (look that song up; I'd love to see how you'd criticize that one). If he gets out of the teen girl business and starts making less poppy, bubblegum music I will become a fan of his MUSIC.
I commented on this for the most part because you made it personal with him---notice nowhere did I say this is a good song. I haven't said he makes good music. I believe as far as I went was "realize who the target audience is", no?
And don't even try to tell me anything I just said contradicts anything I've done, because it doesn't.
Not talented: one sarcasm, one basically saying he's not talented.
"Well, he was discovered on Youtube, that well-known talent magnet, putting him in the same company as that "Leave Britney alone" abomination and the unfunny video of that ugly child coming back from the dentist."
(If you weren't taking a shot at his talent, the whole thing after the main point would be totally pointless.)
"Justin Bieber isn't sooooooo talented and hot and a gr8 singer."
(Yes, he is "soooo" talented. Take note that I cut the last few "o's" off. I'd say Billie Joe Armstrong is "sooooooo talented", and Mozart would probably get a "soooooooooo talented". Notice, ten "o's". Of course Justin is still young, so he could always get there.)
No, you never bluntly said it. But the message was easily received.
And no, a good singing voice is not how I define "talent" (even though there are MANY, MANY people who couldn't sing well if their life depended on it, and isn't that the definition of talent?). I define talent by watching some of his live performances, seeing the charisma and energy he puts in night in and night out, knowing he broke his foot onstage in the middle of a song last year and still finished, and finally, the fact that he played five instruments at the age of 12. And that he is great in school apparently, but that is a different kind of talent.
"Don't you get it? I don't CARE if he sings nicely or not. That was never in question, of COURSE he can."
What the hell are you talking about??? You act like it's IMPLIED he's a good singer. That I should have never even questioned that. Well, here's a newsflash, buddy. Go to ANY video that mentions him on youtube, and they will ALL have at least one comment saying he can't sing. Many much worse than that. I can't even describe to you how many times I've seen some ignorant person say "He can't sing".
Alright jackass, obviously I did have a point here. With horrible, callous comments such as:
"Justin Bieber, in fact, makes you think child murderers may actually have a point."
"He is, in fact, the Anti-Christ."
...what the hell do you expect your reader to think? Perhaps that Justin Bieber is absolutely worthless and good for nothing. Which would mean he also "can't sing".
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Nov 25, 2010 15:04:27 GMT 2
ORIGINAL COMMENT FROM AMAZON.COM
You know what I actually did, Lostfan4842? I DID go and listen to "Pray" by Justin Bieber. And... I stand corrected. You're right, what a SONG. I lov..
Ahem.
Of course not. "Pray", more auto-tuned, "stop the war, yo" (hold up side-ways peace sign) syrupy garbage, exactly the sort of "deep" song idiots would fall for. It's the sort of thing that would've made even MJ blush. If you think that's something that, gasp, NO ONE can even dare criticise, you're an even bigger moron than I first thought. Twee, "oh, the starving children!" hand-wringing, fake sentiment BS. Nothing more. God almighty, you honestly think that's going to prove how good Bieber is to everyone? Are you mentally ill?
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