Post by The Curmudgeon on Aug 6, 2010 17:23:12 GMT 2
The Day the Music Died.
Hello. We're here today to talk about the Black Eyed Peas "Energy Never Dies" album, ao here's a few facts and figures first of all. "Boom Boom Pow", the first single, had the second longest reign at number one in America, beaten only by their second single. That song, "I Gotta Feeling" is the most downloaded track in HISTORY. In the UK their third single "Meet Me Halfway" was their third consecutive number one single, the former two already hitting the top spot as well.
This proves two things;
1. The Black Eyed Peas are phenomenally popular.
2. There are more stupid people on earth than there are trees.
It's funny, the one thing idiots always try and hit back with whenever this awful group are insulted is how successful they are and how many records they've sold. But as I've proven in my Official Room 101 of Amazon many times before, sales mean squat. The likes of Justin Bieber and Susan Boyle may sell bucketloads of records and make little kids scream (although the latter was never really her fault, she did warn them not to peek through her bathroom window), they still make terrible, talent-free music. It was the English poet Thomas Tusser who once remarked that a fool and their money are soon parted. That's still true today, and if ol' Tusser was around now, he would probably remark; "Gadzooks, Boom Boom Pow makes me want to hack my ears off with a scythe."
What's really funny about this album is the misguided notion Will.I.Am and the rest of the Black Eyed Peas (Black Hitler, The Creeper from Jeepers Creeper and Fergie, now almost 75% recycled) has that he's made some form of "New Sound". The way they brag on Boom Boom Pow about having this far out futuristic music, when in fact Daft Punk's Discovery album fused dance, pop and rock (and even auto-tuned vocals) in 2001, and it STILL manages to sound more fresh, vibrant and exciting than the Pea's idiotic noise and Fergie's obnoxious honk.
The other singles from the album are disposable, instantly forgettable drivel, although the fact that by the time "Rock Your Body" was released, Fergie's "vocals" have now been so auto-tuned she sounds like Alvin the Terminator Chipmunk is pretty hilarious. Why is she even there? "I Gotta Feeling" is perhaps the biggest offender of all. This song is 4:50 seconds long, and in that time the phrase "tonight's going to be a good night" is repeated 24 times, the phrase "do it" is repeated 17 times, lyrics like "here we come, here we go" and "easy come, easy go" are actually included in a song written in 2009, and let's not forget that plastic zombie saying "Mazel Tov." And this is, let us remind ourselves, the most downloaded song EVER. Depressed yet?
Let's take a break right now. If you haven't heard this album, I want you to scroll up the page and click on the link to listen to "Ring-a-Ling" and listen to it for thirty seconds. That burrowing feeling in your head is your brain trying to escape down your throat. Although, to make you feel better, take a listen to the hysterically bad "Now Generation", in which the Peas sink like a stone in their attempt to "rock", coming off as about as convincing as Barry Manilow singing "Anarchy in the UK." You gotta love those deep, insightful lyrics, too. "We are the Now Generation. We are the Generation Now." You just know Bob Dylan is sitting at home taking notes.
The Black Eyed Peas are, of course, abysmal, and this album is another example of braindead, empty, nothing to say pop garbage that a million kids are wasting their money and youth on. Music that's going to date quicker than the Macarena and will turn out to be just as irritating. How many people will seriously be playing this record in 5 years time? Exactly. 5 years is a long time in pop music, by which point more people who don't like music will be buying into the next terrible record, Fegie will have accomplished full automaton transformation and, hopefully, B.E.P will be nothing more than an embarrassing memory.
See: Black Eyed Peas - Rock Your Body.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmnjL26OBcY
