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Post by The Curmudgeon on Aug 28, 2007 23:04:30 GMT 2
OK, let's see if we can build a nice collection of What The Fuck moments in film.
So, ever been watching an otherwise good film and then suddenly something happens that is so out there and jarring that you can't help but think "what. the. fuck?!"
I'll start off with one and see if anyone bites..
Empire Strikes Back: Luke and Vader are fighting to the death, Luke loses his hand, is backed up against that big wind tunnel chute thing. Finds out Vader is his father, screams NOOOOOOOOOOOO that's impossible etc etc - worst news EVER, right? And instead of joining Vader he would rather die and so plunges down big wind tunnel chute thing. Gets saved by Falcon - phew.
So, TEN minutes later he's on the Falcon and hears Vader's voice in his head calling him. And what does he do, after hearing the voice of his most hated man, the man he would rather die than join? Says in a stupid, dreamy voice "father...." What the fuck?!
Any others?
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Post by hackersanonymous on Aug 29, 2007 1:10:52 GMT 2
Flash Gordon...
The so-good-looking-it-should-be-illegal Aura is all over Flash like a rash (born poet, me!), quite clearly choking for a bit of his funky blonde loving... And he turns her down!!
Gently darling.. It's extremely sensitive - like me....
Ooohhhh... Makes a chap go all light headed thinking about it.
Toodles!
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Post by trashcanman on Aug 29, 2007 21:37:37 GMT 2
I'm pretty sure that I covered the "Superman 2" thing in Supe's designated hate thread. But that is an all time great. The emo Saturday Night Fever in "Spiderman 3" and Vader screaming "NOOOOOOOOO" at the end of the last Star Wars were pretty embarrassing to watch. Ummmmm... here's a big one: "X-men: The Last Stand" (spoiler), Beast flies out of nowhere and jabs Magneto with about 20 damn needles of the mutant cure; rogue mutant problem solved. Well, minutes later, Wolvie pushes his way through Phoenix's maelstrom and plunges his claws into her gut, killing the love of his life. Would it have killed them to save ONE fucking needle for their mentally ill team member and beloved friend? Magneto gets "cured" and Jean Grey gets disembowled?! How easy would it have been for Kitty Pryde to phase out with a needle and sneak up and stick her right from the start? Idiots.
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Aug 29, 2007 22:28:40 GMT 2
I think X-Men III's "Jugger-Not" (I refuse to call him any other name) deserves a whole WTF segment all to himself. Honestly, one of the most complex, bad-ass, powerful, cool characters in Marvel history. And his first words are "I need to pee." God all fucking MIGHTY.
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Post by xfiruath on Aug 30, 2007 2:23:18 GMT 2
To say I'm merely excited by this thread would be a severe understatement. What. The. Fuck. moments in movies are my specialty (if they had a degree in WTF Movie Moments, I'd have it proudly displayed on my wall).
There are the basic WTF moments, and some of these are repeats from my Amazon lists, apologies to those who've already read them.
Van Helsing - The female lead dies because the werewolf PUSHES her? Against a COUCH? Apparently Kate Beckinsale is above having any sort of violent death occur to the characters she plays?
Fantastic Four - The bridge scene where Jessica Alba has to take her clothes off to become invisible so she can sneak to the other side, where her companions cannot go because they can't become invisible. Then when she gets there, her totally visible companions are already there waiting for her. I'm all for Jessica Alba being mostly nude, but couldn't they have actually come up with a scene that made sense??
Final Destination 3 - The accident only occurs because the group of kids get on the roller coaster (one of them drops his camera on the railing or something), but then when they get off the coaster because of the girl's prophetic vision, the accident happens anyway. WTF?
Godsend - When Greg Kinnear gets cold cocked with the candelabra and the whole building starts burning, he then just randomly gets up and is completely fine. That whole scene was pointless and added absolutely nothing to the story.
Consenting Adults - Watching Kevin Kline bumble his way through this movie is like one long WTF moment, but the best is when he decides he needs to climb up this very slight incline that he easily could have just walked up. Only slightly less WTF worthy was that when he finally finds the woman he was charged with murdering, and he knows someone else is following him and is going to try to kill her for real this time, he leaves her completely alone and unguarded.
Disturbia - After revealing that he's been obsessively spying on this chick for days, does the girl get offended or try to get a restraining order against pervy Shia LaBeouf? Fuck no, she falls madly in love with him, cuz, you know, that's what women do.
Gothika - Halle Berry gets released from the institute when it turns out she killed her husband because he was doing something terrible (raping women or something like that? I forget the particulars). No one seems to care though that she didn't kill him in self defense, she killed him because he was raping women. That's a motive, not an excuse, so she shouldn't have been let out of jail.
AI - The aliens showing up at the end was kind of random and WTF worthy.
Glengarry Glen Ross - Al Pacino's awesome speech about doing terrible things. I'll not reveal the content of that speech in case anyone hasn't seen it yet, but it is a total WTF moment (in a good way) in the context of the rest of the movie.
Mission Impossible 2 - Tom Cruise just randomly happened to have not only a face mask of his enemy's #2 man, but also a voice imitator. He must also have really deep pockets to have hid those the whole time...
Grandma's Boy - Maybe not actually WTF moments, but several things about this movie were just bothersome. Why did they make fun of the guy named Shiloh in the vegan restaurant? They knew ahead of time they were going to a fruity restaurant where people would only be serving healthier food that is normally thought of as gross, so why did they complain about it? And that guy didn't even DO anything to be made fun of for. They also just kept using the same two or three jokes over, and over, and over until I forgot that they were even remotely funny the first time.
Seven Brides For Seven Brothers - The whole premise of this movie is a WTF moment. Abducting women usually leads to jail time or death at the hands of their families, but not in this movie!
Then of course there are the movies that are just like one giant WTF moment.
Entrails of a Beautiful Woman - You turn into a watermelon moments moments before impact if you happen to fall off of a building.
Angst - Childhood abuse causes women's vagina's to gain not only the ability to speak, but also a desire to consume human flesh.
Troll 2 - If a scantily clad woman puts an ear of corn in between your mouth and hers, pre-popped corn will spontaneously appear and fly around the room. God I love that scene so much.
Cat People - For some reason every male in this movie wants to screw the living shit out of Nastassja Kinski, despite the fact that she looks like a 12 year old boy, and isn't even slightly alluring when completely naked.
Oh man, there are so many more. Just watch anything by the Italian horror movie moguls Argento, Fulci, or Soavi.
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Aug 30, 2007 8:14:39 GMT 2
Why, it seems we've found your strongpoint, X. I skipped past the ones that I haven't seen (in case there's plot spoilers in them), which, sadly, meant most of them.
I don't remember that part in FF. I do remember the scene, but I don't remember that the rest were there after Invisible Girl. Maybe the director was hoping people would be paying too much attention to Alba's half naked-ness to care.
Here's one; in the US Godzilla 1998 (or GINO - "Godzilla In Name Only"), we see "Godzilla" (hah!) attacking New York City. Massive destruction, people screaming and dying and buildings collapsing and blowing up: Awesome. So then, five minutes later, Matthew Broderick has to buy nappies (if memory serves.. I don't make a habit of watching this film) from a little corner shop. So he goes in and starts browsing the aisles, and not ONCE does he or the shop keeper say "so.. how about that GIANT fucking MONSTER running around outside, eh?" Why would the store even be open at a time like that?! Surely only Apu from The Simpson's would still be open (or indeed, still standing?)
Oh, and another - the loooong singing scene in Tank Girl. The whole way through its an average (very average) comic book movie, and then suddenly, to quote Buffy, everyone just "bursts into song". I remember sitting in the cinema baffled at that point.
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Post by xfiruath on Aug 30, 2007 20:46:00 GMT 2
I purposefully didn't read Trashcanman and Curmudgeon's posts there about X-Men 3 as I was going to be watching it last night. Now that I have, I fully agree. Why did Wolverine kill Jean Grey? He couldn't have taken the needles to her himself since they would have disintegrated (or whatever the hell she was doing there), but another character easily could have snuck up behind her like the mutant that could phase in and out and move very quickly.
Likewise, Juggernaught was a real joke. "I've really gotta pee" WTF? This isn't Austin Powers being thawed out, this is a serious villian being released!
I get the feeling this next one might cause a bit of a ruckus with the crowd here, but here goes anyway. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade is one WTF moment after another. I remember loving this movie as a kid, but then I went back and watched it again recently, and this movie is TOO over the top. I realize this is done on purpose, but it just gets so ridiculous. It's not an aciton/adventure flick, it's a superhero movie. Indy is a superhero who has the power to make ridiculously over the top and impossible situations constantly occur around him. I mean think about it, all the reasons people HATED Sahara (and rightfully so!) are all the same reasons people LOVE Indiana Jones. If you're in the right frame of mind it's all just hokey fun, but I can't help but hate this movie.
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Aug 30, 2007 21:01:54 GMT 2
Ooooh, controversial stuff there, X. I was actually watching that Indy movie a few weeks ago, sitting behind some guy who had it on his laptop on a train. It's just... awesome. The bit where the tank goes over the cliff and they all think Indy's dead, and then his dumb face as he looks over the cliff to see what they're all...
Just brilliant.
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Post by xfiruath on Aug 30, 2007 23:37:18 GMT 2
I figured that might ruffle a few feathers. That movie is pretty much universally considered a classic by fans of nearly any genre, I just happen to vehemently disagree. I will admit there are a few moments there that are cool though, like the scene were Indy says "Yeah, I'm pretty sure" when he's asked if he's sure that painting is of the Ark of the Covenant.
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Aug 31, 2007 7:52:25 GMT 2
"How DARE you kiss me....."
Come on, X! How can you NOT love this film?!
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Post by trashcanman on Aug 31, 2007 10:30:33 GMT 2
All right, more WTF goodness. "Van Helsing" is rife with the stuff, but my favorite has to be when the Wolfman is inside of the building, presumably out of the moonlight with the walls and roof and all that, but when the clouds cover the moon he reverts back to his human form. When the clouds pass and the moon is again visible, the man (still indoors) wolfs out again. What is up with the clouds in that film? The vamps come out when the clouds say so, even dead people's faces get sculpted in them. It's like the whole supernatural world revolves around them.
"Bram Stoker's Dracula" has a few -not the least of which is Dr. Van Helsing laughing it up as he tells a very confused and frightened man that his love is "the devil's concubine"- but the whole romance plot that nearly turns the movie to shit takes the cake. Now I'm not saying I understand women, but generally speaking when a man (living or undead) imprisons your fiance and leaves him to be sucked dry by his three brides, rapes your best friend while in wolf form while you watch, kills said friend and brings her back as a child-murdering creature of the night, and becomes a bat monster that crumbles into pile of rats after setting a crucifix on fire with a look this does not scream ideal life partner. The bitch even goes so far as to turn a crossbow on the men who have raced across the ocean to save her life and her soul. You can say it was Drac's mind control, but it is not played that way in the film. I've known some damned unreasonable women with some shitty taste in men (I even married one!), but one can only suspend his disbelief so much. Damn you, Coppola, stick to the source material ya has-been!
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Sept 1, 2007 11:40:07 GMT 2
Oh man, Van Helsing - I remember reading the preview for that thinking it was going to be the best movie of the year. What an absolute suck-fest. True, that film was chock-full of "WTF" moments, but what about when Van Helsing, riding three or four horses (attached to a carriage) jumped over what was basically the Grand Canyon. No amount of CGI could have made that look anything other than totally ridiculous.
I have a bit of a soft spot for that version of Dracula, and I'm not really sure why. I think its just the scenes with Gary Oldman in - I think he walks away with the entire film.
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Post by xfiruath on Sept 1, 2007 20:48:07 GMT 2
There was a bit of WTF moment in the new King Kong. The whole point of that movie was to show off the biggest, baddest, most realistic as possible Kong, but he didn't have a wang.
Ok, stop laughing now and realize I'm being serious. Sure, they didn't want to show a massive wilkins on screen because they knew there would be all kinds of little kiddies watching - but it's still jarring and completely destroys immersion when you see this gigantic ape flawlessly rendered on screen in all it's CGI glory - and it's missing a major body part.
Now we could take this line of thinking a step further and consider that mabye Kong was a girl. In which case the female lead is not only clearly into bestiality - she's a bestiality lesbian. Now isn't that more of a mindfuck to little kids than if they had just seen the damn ape's dong?
Don't even try to tell me none of you thought about this, etiher.
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Sept 1, 2007 21:06:31 GMT 2
Well, I certainly am now.
Dear Peter Jackson:
Where is Kong's wilkins?
Yours
The Curmudgeon
PS - What's a wilkins?
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Post by xfiruath on Sept 1, 2007 21:10:36 GMT 2
Living in the U.K. and you have never heard the phrase "Wilkins"? For shame, Curmudgeon, for shame! Next you're going to tell me you have never heard the phrase "be sure to use a billy for your willy"!
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