Hate Mail

[The Curmudgeon]

Over the time I've been on Amazon, I've received a fair few e-mails. And would you believe, not all of it is nice? Sad but true, friends. Anyway, I decided to show you some of the idiots that have got all hot and bothered over my reviews. I've included their e-mail addresses so if you're bored or feeling malicious, do get in touch with them. Putting their names down on porn websites is good fun too.

Anyway, I'll give you a bunch of these and when I get a decent amount more I'll post them on here too. Happy reading - beware, some of the grammer is downright deadly..

[e-mail]
writes
You are ignorant and you dont know what you're talking about. Stupid.

Funny thing is, I DON'T know what she's talking about. Who knows what I'd written to get her so upset. Sigh, I guess we'll never know.

[e-mail]
writes
Oh yeah you're a big guy huh? Don't you have something better to do that to go on Amazon and trash a disc that you'd never buy or listen to? Why can't you let people listen to whatever they want? Why do you feel like you are the music police, and every CD that you have bought is somehow better that any other CD. It takes a lot of work to produce these discs. It's not as easy as strumming a guitar over and over and moaning out some bullshit about the world and how sad this place is. Who cares how a CD sounds ten years from now? Is that what makes you buy a CD? "Oh, I'll buy this album... it'll sound great when I'm forty." Who the fuck gives a rat's ass how that album is going to sound ten years from now, ass? And of course that Radiohead CD has to sound good for ten years... it takes the wankers five years to produce an album!

This music is infectuous dance music that does more good rather than bad. It makes people happy and makes them want to dance and feel free. Just because people listen to or buy this CD doesn't mean that they pop pills or shoot up. That is just your pure ignorance. Drugs are common with every genre of music... all artists have taken drugs at one point. All listeners have taken drugs at one point. What the fuck are you trying to state when you say that dance music is for people to overdose on? Fuck off. Do you honestly think that there isn't a garage full of stoned kids out there listening to Radiohead right now? I would bet a thousand bucks that there's at least fifty garages full of jack- ass- live- at- home- with mommy- morons out there listening to Radiohead stoned off their fat asses!

You are the real scum of the earth. You are in the same league as anyone with no tolerance. To disregard an entire segment of a population as the "dirt between your toes" based purely upon the genre of music they listen to. That is flat out hatred and ignorance. You are truely a stupid person with a first grade education. And I thank you for your comment on Amazon... it just further proves that we as a human race still have much more to do to rid the world of future Hilters and bin Ladens! Enjoy your Radiohead... for the next hundred years.

Wow, who'd have thought THE Oscar Wilde would have been a dance music fan? Funny, you'd think one of our greatest writers would like something that you DON'T have to be a knuckle-dragging retard to enjoy, wouldn't you? He sure showed me.

[e-mail]
writes
Your reviews on Amazon, are a pleasure to read. This is because it
makes me
feel smarter than I actually am, reading your snobbish crap. You Sir,
are an
ass.

Someone, needs to, remove, Ian's, apostrophe key. Anyway, he e-mailed me again and called Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody "Bo Rhap." So let us never speak of him again.

[e-mail]
writes
Hi, I am an electronic music fan, and was browsing through the discography of one of my favourite djs: Matt Darey. Then I noticed your review. At first I thought "I'm gonna e-mail this fucking bloke and rip him a new one" But then I didnt want to make assumptions, or even get in an argument for that matter. I thought I'd just send an email, and have a rational, inteligent communication about it (if you respond). If you were reffering to "dance" music sucking, I couldnt agree with you more. But that is "DANCE" music, defined by trendy techno-pop with cheezy female vocals throughout every song. TRANCE music in my opinion is exceptional, and I hope you were'nt reffering to that, or classifying it under "dance". But then I noticed you ripping the fact that it isnt made with real instruments, and its fake synthesized crap (or something along those lines). Well if your referring to all electronica as shite, I'd have to heavily disagree (especially if your a Britt) Just because a style of music wasnt created with an instrument that was invented over 1000 years ago, doesnt mean its not real music, its just highly advanced, technological music. Anyway, country & western music is made with real instruments, but if I want to hear that noise then I'll just step on my fucking cat! Electronica is a style that uses the most innovative musical techniques with man's most recent ingenuity. Besides, its probably the most popular type of music throughout the world on average (Europe, Russia, East Asia, South America) And have you not heard of DJ TIESTO. He compiled an original score, then broadcasted it live during the opening for the 2004 World Olympics! Thats talent and popularity that can't be matched, and everybody in all age groups and all statuses were pretty much blown away by it. If you say you hate all trance, then I'd have to say you just havnt heard the right stuff. So if you were telling me to beware of the euphoria CD because its full of cheesy dance crap, then thank you, I appreciate that. But if your telling everyone to steer clear of it simply because it falls under the genre of electronica, then thats not fair. Different people have different tastes, and you can't just tell them to not like something that they already do. Some people might actually want to buy that CD.

Wow, that was intended FOR me and I got bored half-way through. Someone e-mail me the basic point of that ramble, please.

[e-mail]
writes
Okay, I’m not going to bother with niceties like ‘hello’ and ‘how are
you’
because OBVIOUSLY you don’t care about crap like that.

I just want to say that if you hate everyone and everything, WHY BOTHER
TALKING OR WRITING REVIEWS ON AMAZON.COM? No-one WANTS to hear from a
miserable old bat that has nothing nice to say. Now, this e-mail might
be a
bit biased coz YOU TRASHED MY FAV. MOVIE OF ALL TIME, DIRTY DANCING,
but
were not here to talk about the nice things in life, ARE WE? NO, course
not,
because EVERYTHING’S AGAINST US, IT’S ALL RIGGED, AND ANYTHING THAT
SEEMS TO
BE NICE, OR GOOD, OR THOUGHTFUL, HAS TO BE A SET-UP, DOESN’T IT?! Now,
I’m
glad that we understand each other.
Thank-you for your time.

-Dirty Dancing fan.

P.S: If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Someone needs to tell "Dirty Dancing Fan" that if you can't write a sentence without USING CAPITAL LETTERS FOR NO REASON then you shouldn't say anything at all, either.

[e-mail]
writes
Fuck you the darkness are our saviours. fuck you

In that case we're as good as dead.

[e-mail]
writes
We hate u too. go do more lines.

But I've already left school.

[e-mail]
writes
i think you need to realize pete dohertys genius is
forgotten amidst the tabloid reports. the man is a
poet, and a brilliant and unique artist. the music is
clattering, sometimes off key, but has a magic in it
your missing

Yawn. Anyone else bored with this already?

[e-mail]
writes
Wt's wrong with this cd? Who are these rappers? Do u
like 'em? Do they have a website?

He's asking about Blazing Squad. Really, do YOU have the heart to tell him?

[e-mail]
writes
I can see that you have a black, shriveling heart. You are pathetic!

Hmm - seems Mr Chevy here has a problem with blacks.

[e-mail]
writes
You are a moron. You say that people are not entitled to their own oppinion. I say yes they are. If you don't get your head around that, that means you are a complete idiot. I have read your review of Celine Dion's "All The Way... A Decade Of Song" and Dido's "Life For Rent" and I say you are an asshole. Have you ever heard the term Free Speech? Everyone is entitled to their own oppinion, and you say they aren't? You talk about the bad things in life? Also, where the hell did you get the name of "The Curmudgeon?" Stop talking about the bad things in life and go see a doctor, you motherfucker!

I think any Celine Dion fan shouldn't see a doctor. More a vet, to be humanely destroyed.

[e-mail]
writes
Just incase you arent reminded often enough, let me just remind you
what a
fucking uneducated douche you are

That's funny, because when I WAS educated I learned that IN and CASE where two seperate words.

[e-mail]
writes
WHY U HATEIN ON KILL BILL FOR ON AMAZON FOR UNCLE SPRINKLE WAS IN THE
FILM
HOW DARE U DISREPECT THIS GREAT ONION MERCHANT

A solid golden egg to anyone who tells me what the Hell he's on about.

[e-mail]
writes
can i just say r u FUCKIN MAD!!!!!!!!!! Coyote Ugly is 1 of the best
movies
i have seen!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OTT!!! Lyk omg u r
soooooooooo wrong 1 FUCKIN STAR! gt a grip!!!!! what would u watch then
eh?? SM SHIT!!!!!!! That is BRILLIANT PIECE OF MOVIE!! N WHO GIVS A
FUCK
IF THEY AINT SERVUN U WANNA C GIRLS SERVIN DRINKS WTCH FUCKIN
CORONATION
STREET!!!!!!! OMG GT A GRIP!!

A, a picture perfect representation of a Coyote Ugly fan. Honestly, someone take this cretin to school. My God.

[e-mail]
writes
You'll pay for the lack of respect you've shown on Amazon.com. Yes, and we deserve to know the good things in life you like, and the music and movies you enjoy. We don't need any of your stupid one star reviews fool! I will make you reveal the music and movies you listen to, even if I have to intimidate you with fear to do it. I do not fear you, you curmudgeon fool. Everyone is entitled to their oppinion and you are in no position to say otherwise, and no, I am not a cretin(...) if you even know what that is. Fool! if you said that to me in person, I would reach out and smack you in the face, and have you bleeding all over until you make a bloody mess all over the floor of my house. Do not underestimate me. Now, you will pay.

Huh. Now, just cutting and pasting these e-mails here makes me realise I've already heard from our good pal JBtaylor. Never worked out what I was supposed to pay him for, though. Weirdo.

[e-mail]
writes
Fuck you man. Here's a question. Whats your favourite movie? Lord of
the
Rings is 100 times better than the Matrix and Star Wars put together.
When
I saw LOTRs in the cinema, I was blown away. I had never seen anything
like
it before or since. If you dont like LOTRs, you have no taste in
movies.
When I saw the Matrix Reloaded and Revolution, I was so dissapointed.
Bad
endings and Keanu Reeves. Come on, he cant act for shit. Why do you
think
LOTRs was voted best trilogy of all time? Why? Because it was FUCKING
BRILLIANT.

This is another fact. There is not one person (locally) who disagrees
with
me. Peter Jackson is a genius. P.S. What kind of a name is
'Curmudgeon'?
It sounds like a viginal desease.

You've got to love the fact he can't even spell VAGINA. Makes you wonder if he's ever even SEEN one before...

[e-mail]
writes
f you didnt like the film just say it you dont have say that anyone who likes the film is braindead

Another day, another stupid girl writing in about Coyote Ugly. She won't be the last..

[e-mail]
writes
Wow, I saw some of your 90+ reviews on Amazon.com. You obviously are a loser yourself, for spending so much time watching and reviewing obviously bad movies, music, etc. How the Hell have you even wasted so much time watching bad movies and such, when you knew they sucked to begin with. The fact that you even like Korn can only make me assume you have bad taste anyway. I bet you are some 30 year old bum who still lives with their parents, plus has no girlfriend, just chats online with 14 year old girls. Get off the internet.

Well, she got me there. Ouch. Not about the living with parents or not having a girlfriend, but man, I can't get enough of those 14 year old girls. Wait, I mean..

[InvisibleWolfMan]

The Curmudgeon,

What do these people expect? That a world exsits where everyone likes the same thing they do?!? If that was the case...then I think I'll reword a quote from a favorite movie of mine:

When there's no more room in Hell, The Scum will walk the Earth.

Honestly...do they think by writing you, a self-proclaimed "Irresponsible Hate Monger" that your mind suddenly melts like butter on a hot knife and you'd reply; "I'm sorry, I didn't realize how awful my statement was to offend you so. I'll remove my thoughts immediately. Thanks alot, my life's is so much better now that I've finally gotten that frontal lobotomy I've heard so much about!"

GRRRRRRRR...let them run to their precious hills! To think we live in a world where turds like K-Fed have a singing career and there'd be no one like you around that has the guts to quote from the movie SPACEBALLS:

Oh Shit...there goes the planet!

If that's the case, then log me out.

[The Curmudgeon]

Hell yeah, Wolfman. And the fact you quoted from not only Dawn Of The Dead but also the (far more frightening) Monster In A Wheelchair makes you the Official Fortress of Solitude Coolest Member Of The Week. Congrats.

I forgot to mention the girl that wrote to me a little while back with this charming message:

"You R a kunt."

Lovely.

Welcome aboard, Wolfman. By the way, as frightening as the Monster In A Wheelchair is, I'm kinda hard pushed to think of a more knee-trembling creature than an INVISIBLE Wolfman. Man, someone needs to make that movie NOW. That nuts is money.

[InvisibleWolfMan]

Wow. Maybe she just got back from Toys R Us after sneaking into some stupid R-rated flick (she can only be American with her choice of reference) when she typed to you.

As for making a movie out of my nickname, I say we write the movie together! I can see the tagline for the poster now:

They say only a silver bullet can stop a werewolf, but how can you kill what you can't SEE?

200 mil+ Box office take, no doubt!

[The Curmudgeon]

And only INVISIBLE silver bullets will kill it.

Man, this thing writes itself..

[InvisibleWolfMan]

Yeah, it does write itself quite nicely. We should stop while we're ahead, however. I'd hate for Micheal Bay or Bret Ratner to get wind of this hot property idea and run it into the ground...

[The Curmudgeon]

Unless we want CGI invisible bullets and an MTV style rapid-cut Wolfman attack played to Limp Bizkit music.