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Post by The Curmudgeon on Apr 8, 2007 20:38:34 GMT 2
 Kiss your childhood dreams goodbye.I'm not sure when it was.. 10 minutes in, 20.. when the creeping, utterly unwanted thought came into my head the first time I watched this film - "oh no.. it's really, really BAD." Fair enough, few films could meet the hype and expectations that THIS one had, but it must have took some considerable skill to screw it up THIS much. As a bog-standard sci-fi adventure, it's average. Looks mighty nice, sure, but there's nothing there. The one promising character (Darth Maul) is in it for about four minutes, and the rest are bland cardboard cut-outs - all except one, which we'll get to later. As a Star Wars movie, which gave us Han Solo, Boba Fett, the Death Star, Jabba, Darth Vader, speeder bikes and countless other iconic moments which are engrained on a whole generations minds - it's borderline criminal. There is none of the flair of the first movies, no witty one-liners, no quoteable moments - and absolutely ZERO chemistry between any of the characters. For what it could have been, and for what has went before it, it really could be one of the worst films ever made. One of the main characters who helps this film garner that accolade? Step forward Jar Jar Binks. Was he supposed to be funny? Loveable? I don't know - because every time I see him I want to hurt kittens. Every time I hear him I want to shoot puppies. The most loathsome, teeth-nashingly AWFUL character in the history of movies, he nontheless takes up CHUNKS of movie time - falling over! Talking in a stupid voice! Stepping in dung! You'll laugh till you slit your wrists. I guess this is what happens when you become TOO powerful. George Lucas seriously needed someone to whisper into his ear, "you know, George.. maybe we need a drastic re-think, here". But alas, that wasn't to be. So we have the turgid first part, the arguably worse second part and the good third part, before we can get onto the REAL Star Wars movies. Because this? It's worse than the Holiday Special (and if you don't know what THAT is - you've missed a treat....) |
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Post by The Wild One on Dec 23, 2007 1:32:36 GMT 2
ORIGINAL COMMENT FROM AMAZON.COM
Having read a number of "The Curmudgeon"'s reviews, this sort of thing is all too typical of him, and his response and opinions are predictible, as he seems to go with the general flow of what others feel and say, rather than doing anything along the lines of beating his own drum (if this is how he really feels, deep, down inside, however, then so be it. I just don't feel or see the originality in what he is doing here).
As a final note, "it must have taken", not, "it must have took" is the grammatically correct phrase.
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Dec 27, 2007 9:18:02 GMT 2
ORIGINAL COMMENT FROM AMAZON.COM
Damn, how did I miss this? A comment over a month old? I must be slipping.
Hmmm - let's see. So you are saying I'm not being original in saying the film is bad? That the characters are poorly written and, compared to the original movies, it's sorely lacking? And you're saying other people have said these things too?
Sit there and think - for a few minutes, I'll give you time - as to why that may be..
Got it yet?
Is it perhaps that it's the truth? That I wasn't the only person who felt disgusted, let down and utterly deflated after watching Ep1? So, what, I'm not supposed to comment on this film because some other reviewers on Amazon didn't like it either? I call it like I see it, Wild One. That's why you'll find a million glowing reviews for the likes of, say, Lord of The Rings and Brick - except mine. Why, I daresay there may be a few others who didn't like it as well... how deeply UNORIGINAL of them all.
And of course it's how I REALLY feel. What, you think I have some hidden agenda in slating movies and music? I am utterly BAFFLED as to what that could be. "Man, I love this film, but I'm going to say I hate it on the internet. And then - world domination!"
I appreciate you've read a number of my reviews - and I'm curious as to what other "predictable" things I've said in them. Do tell.
EDIT - I was curious, so I took a little look at this "Wild One." And do you know what Mr Reviewing Genius has under his belt? ONE review. And he admits to stealing most of THAT from the blurb in the booklet given with the record. And yet he says I'M unoriginal?
Why does Amazon attract these idiots?
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Post by InvisibleWolfMan on Dec 27, 2007 20:25:07 GMT 2
I was quite horrified with this in theaters as well. JarJar? There REALLY needed to be a scene where Qui-Gon shows up at the Naboo ship when he hears a horrible grinding noise in the distance. He draws his lightsaber and carefully sneaks around the cliffs and rock formations until, in the distance, he sees Obi-Wan... standing in front of a bantha fodder chipper machine:  In defense of this movie, cut out JarJar scenes and the movie improves by 35%. It actually holds up better over time than Episode II or III. I guess it has something to do with the fact they at least went out and actually USED some prime LOCATION areas rather than "green screen" the hell out of everything (a CGI pear in Episode II?!?!? fuck that shit....) And come on? Anakin Skywalker was a whiny Chil-d killer that Padmé still loved and we as an audience could identify with? Bullshit. He was all pussified EXCEPT when he killed the Sandpeople. The clone troopers wiped out almost all of the Jedi. And he went and killed a whole bunch of barely trained Jedi Chil-dren.  OOOOOOOOOH! Scary! His suit should've looked like this at the end:  |
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Dec 27, 2007 20:33:20 GMT 2
If 2008 produces a better picture than THAT one, the Fortress is going to be the place to be. You know, moreso.
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Post by trashcanman on Dec 29, 2007 12:51:11 GMT 2
IWM's got the best pictures ever! I keep trying to type this, but I can't stop scrolling back up to laugh at that Hello Kitty Vader. Awesome!
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Post by InvisibleWolfMan on Dec 30, 2007 1:55:40 GMT 2
Thanks, Trashcanman! I've got loads of 'em!  **pwaaaaaaahhhhh* God, I hate commutes. Hmmmm-hmmm-hmm, hm-hmmm-hmmmmm, hmmmm-hm-hmmmmm.......**pwaaaaaaahhhhh*  Yeah...so....GOD! This is awkward! Uh, about that stop you made at the trailer park on Coruscant 30 years ago...... 
Cost to become a Jedi: Death of your own mother. Cost to turn to the Dark Side: Death of your only love. The realization you've just been made the Emporer's personal bitch: Priceless.  Darth Vader exits from the set of HONEY, WE SHRUNK THE SENATE.  LUKE! WHAAAAAAZZZZZZZUP? Well, don't just stand there like a slave girl on a leash....Give Auntie Lou-Anne a hug!  Oh no! My dad's home! RRRRWWWWOAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!  His Tie-Fighter in for repairs, Darth Vader is forced to take "The Loner." |
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Dec 30, 2007 14:28:15 GMT 2
More top pics, Wolfman (the Leia/Chewbacca one is my favourite), but yeah, well, we all know what we REALLY wanted to see..  Anyway, back on topic; I actually watched some of Ep1 again when it came on TV. You know what? I think its gotten worse with age. Not only do the characters and story stink, but the effects now look pretty crappy. That's what happens when you try and make everything state-of-the-art though, I suppose - it doesn't stay that way for long. Stick with puppets and models, George - they look the same on screen for ever. |
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Post by InvisibleWolfMan on Jan 4, 2008 18:13:14 GMT 2
Actually, I think THIS is what we ALL wanted to see:  Don't you agree? Although, there is a new reason for me to become a vegetarian:  |
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Post by trashcanman on Jan 5, 2008 7:12:18 GMT 2
Those pics: I LOVE THEM!!!!!!! Call me crazy, but I dig this film minus Jar-Jar. I do agree that the puppets for the most part work for me better than the all that excessive CG work, though. Yoda looks loads better in the OT than in the newer ones if you ask me.
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Jan 5, 2008 12:34:23 GMT 2
I just can't get the "he's not really there" thoughts from my head whenever I see any of the CGI shit-fests in the new films. I don't remember ever thinking "Greedo is just a guy in a suit" though.
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Post by TheWildOne on Feb 4, 2008 4:14:55 GMT 2
ORIGINAL COMMENT FROM AMAZON.COM
The first order of business: for your information, Mr. Curmudgeon, I have now achieved the status of having written six reviews, all in the music department; prior to that, I wrote a fair number in the, "kid's review" forum, not that those ones are at all a show of my current critical and linguistic abilities. I challenge you to read some NON-EXISTENT flaw, or some miniscule error, into any or all of those. As a side-note: I realize that half-a-dozen reviews is nothing compared to your great and incredible work on this site, but I have not been writing in for nearly as long as you have, so do be as fair as you know how when criticizing my work on this site. And now, on with the comment...
Please see my reply to your comment for the "Ravi in Celebration" review; I think I fairly tare your absurd arguments to shreds; as if CD booklets hand fully-fledged reviews, and as if the statement that I "drew information" didn't make it clear enough that I only used the booklet as a rescource/reference tool. But I won't go on about that, you can read my comment as previously stated for the full gist of it.
For my part, looking back I think I may have gone to far in calling you unoriginal (though, as you yourself make reference of, there is a sentence in which I extend to you the benefit of the doubt, being a fairly nice guy and all), but that does not entitle you to attempt, as you do in your review, to sugges that it is an unquestionable TRUTH that these films (the prequels) are hideous, unwatchable mounds of esquestrion-laid dung! Neither is it a TRUTH that they are great works; both statements are opinions, or have you, in your wise ways forgotten your school lessons?
Finally, I still hold to my statement that your harsh critque of this film was painfully predictible; your review for the Red Dwarf 7 collection being another example of this predictability: wherever a common complaint is in existence, you always seem to be there backing up the negative criticism. I just am "urked" and honestly annoyed by this trend, by this work that I percieve as conformist venting.
Oh well, I doubt we'll ever persuade one and other of our views; still, I hope this may shed some light on my side of the story. Kind regards and thanks for your attention and response, the Wild One.
EDIT: "it must have taken", not, "it must have took", is still the gramatically correct phrase; I strongly suggest you do some editing on that one!
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Feb 4, 2008 4:42:31 GMT 2
ORIGINAL COMMENT FROM AMAZON.COM
Sigh. OK, where to begin on this ramble?
First of all, if you want to play the tedious "let's pick faults with the slightest errors in each others grammar" game, then at least have the decency to not make it so easy for me. I mean, far be it from me to mock your, ahem ahem ahem, "critical and linguistic abilities", but you really can't go around trying to sound intelligent and then go on to say you "tare" my absurd argument to shreds. Tare? Is this a new word? Is it in the same new dictionary as "rescource?" Is that where fast cars drive, perhaps? Oh, and I also noticed in your response to my post on YOUR review that, well, you kind of didn't finish your sentence; "and if I know your habits and tendencies like I think I do." What? God, I'm going to be up all night worrying what priceless piece of advice you were going to give me. Ho ho, "I strongly suggest you do some editing on that one!"
You see where I'm going with this, don't you? In short - you're a ham-fisted, keyboard bashing idiot. Don't try and sound otherwise.
You know what? I DID look at your reviews. A travelling wilbury's album, Jesus Christ Superstar and THREE (ever think of getting a bit of a wider taste in music?) E.L.O albums. Did I read them? The day I do, Wild One, is the day I throw myself in front of a bus for that must surely be the lowest point a man can stoop.
Here's the deal, Wild One - your reviews don't do your name justice. Because, and I'm being serious and even a little constructive here; they're far too long winded, pompous and ever so VERY boring. Show me someone who can sit through those reviews and I'll show you someone with a shotgun barrel in their mouths.
And of COURSE everything The Curmudgeon says is The Truth. What planet are you on, dimwit? You think I'm going to write nearly 150 negative reviews while thinking, "hmmm, but someone else might like this film?" Get real. If I think something sucks - it SUCKS. End of story. You think some moron from Amazon is going to change my opinion? And if they did I would have no right expressing it in the first place. You may think slating the later seasons of Red Dwarf and the Star Wars prequels is "conformist", but that's only because there's so many negative reviews for them in the first place - and take a wild stab in the dark why that might be?
Ah, but I could go on all night. Anyone reading this will clearly see you're a cretin who has ideas WAY above his station. Stick to your dull reviews that no one reads.
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Post by Ben on Feb 4, 2008 6:07:55 GMT 2
Tare: (noun) A noxious weed
Now what was it he said he did to your "absurd arguments"...?
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Post by The Wild One on Mar 27, 2008 9:05:07 GMT 2
ORIGINAL COMMENT FROM AMAZON.COM
Pray except my greatful thanks for the numerous insults, but do not be bothered to leave a bill. You see--woe is me--I am all but penniless because no publisher will cast eye, let alone cash, over any of my long and boring manuscripts (accursed be the hours I spent creating them). I am yet another struggling author destined to be washed away in the sea of time! But feel no need to throw loose change to my tattered old hat; do not loose sleep on my account, let the tragedy wash over you as if it never happened, as though I was never born. Life is such; from day to day a score of tragedies may throw their looming shadows over this barren waste land we call the modern world. Such is not the place of the more fortunate to concern themselves with others' destitution and and emptiness. Leave those dead in their hearts to rot away and leave this world without so much as a second glance or the most miniscule of reconsiderations for the hitherto unchecked possibilites that may have forever been vanquished from the earth's rocky ground! Adieu love, adieu happiness, adieu to all purpose and function of life itself. Ay, the world is a cold and merciless place.
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Seriously, you should certainly know what your talking about on the subject of, ahem, wind!
You can count on a free season ticket to be thrown of the premises, should it ever come to pass that you comment on one of my "boring reviews that no on reads". On that note, if they're too long-winded, elaborate in structure, and intellectual in content for you, do not torture yourself by reading them. All others who share your feelings may feel free to do this same; I have even changed by Amazon "signature" to reflect this alteration of my personal policy. To save you the time and energy of looking it up, it now reads: "No morons permitted beyond this point; all violaters will be persecuted".
With regards to your own labors on Amazon, do carry on pompously insulting people, believing that everything you say is by a definition Truth, and belitting others for your own entertainment and self-esteem construction. A moron I may be, but I am at least a well-mannered moron and in that I take considerable pride. It is certainly more than you can lay claim to!
Your "ham-fisted, keyboard bashing" friend,
The Wild One.
P.S. Perhaps there was no need to correct your error of grammar; touche' on spotting mine. I did indeed mean to type, "tear", not "tare". To take a realistic viewpoint, there is no need for this bickering and trading of insults. I hope it can stop now (and I pray you can bring yourself to halt the stream of words tumbling forth from your dickens of a mouth); I have no interest in further argument personally. Farewell. W.O.
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OOOOOOOOOH! Scary! His suit should've looked like this at the end:.jpeg)
