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Post by The Curmudgeon on Aug 22, 2007 23:18:07 GMT 2
Can you do The Curmudgeon a quick favour? I've recently met the "wrath" of some reality TV fans after I reviewed an album by some typical one trick dick. As a result, I had twelve negative votes in one DAY and then the review was removed by Amazon (I still keep the negatives, though). I put the review back up and I had another nine in one day, as well as my other reviews suddenly being hit by negatives too. Seems the truth hurts. Now, I know I shouldn't care about this sort of thing but, dammit, I do. So this is just an effort to tally out my reviewer ranking, after the onslaught of idiots. The way Amazon works, your rating goes up if the reviews are, like, 3 out of 3 positive, so a few positive marks will hopefully iron it out a little. (I'm suddenly sitting at 0 out of 11 - add to that the 0 out of 12 from its first appearance... ouch!) Anyway, if you have a minute, the review is here.. www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-reviews/B000SKO0OY/ref=cm_cr_dp_all_helpful/104-5259222-1495927?ie=UTF8&n=5174#customerReviewsOh, and feel free to add a comment or two and annoy some morons. It's good for the liver. |
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Post by hackersanonymous on Aug 23, 2007 1:01:09 GMT 2
Consider yourself positive marked and commented upon.. Gotta fight the masses... God, it's like a Romero film! UUuurrrrgggghhhhh.... Reality TV... Uuurrrrggghhhh... Must spend money on shit... Urrrrgggggggghhhhh
Toodles!
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Aug 23, 2007 8:27:10 GMT 2
Wow, what an awesome comment on Amazon, Hacker - nice one.
Favour two: can you cut and paste said comment into the actual review on here? I'll give you a doughnut.
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Post by trashcanman on Aug 23, 2007 22:54:05 GMT 2
I hit you with some positives fairly regularly, but a chance to stomp on some douchebags is one I shan't refuse. ;D Give me a few days -my interent time is sorely limited to a few 5-10 minute sessions a day- and thy will shall be done.  |
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Post by xfiruath on Aug 26, 2007 22:14:06 GMT 2
You are the proud new owner of not one, not two, not even three, but FIVE new "helpful" votes!
I was planning on going through all of your reviews and rating the ones helpful that actully were, but after five I got really sick of searching through everyone else's reviews to get to yours. I really wish we had the ability to vote helpful or not helpful directly from the person's profile of reviews. 'twould make the world a happier place.
Speaking of Amazon reviews, I just wrote a fairly lengthy one for the cinematic masterpiece "Shark Attack 2", but for some reason Amazon hasn't posted it yet and it's been almost 24 hours. Weird. I was actually rather proud of this one because I manage to be far more offensive than normal on several occassions.
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Aug 26, 2007 22:18:22 GMT 2
You are the proud new owner of not one, not two, not even three, but FIVE new "helpful" votes! I really wish we had the ability to vote helpful or not helpful directly from the person's profile of reviews. I think we've just worked out why they don't have that feature. I haven't seen any of the Shark Attack movies, but its the kind of shit I would happily sit through. I'm actually after SA3 because it's attracted this kind of cult status by being SO bad. And it's about a giant shark - how badly do I want THAT? With Amazon, I sometimes think it depends on the content, like, if you wrote "ass" I think they check up on it before posting it. Something like that anyway. I know that I wrote a review of some snotty little brat pop star (Lil Chris) and I wrote as the heading "attention child murderers of the world - THIS is your new target" and it just did not get accepted until I removed it. Then sneakily added it at the bottom later... |
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Post by xfiruath on Aug 26, 2007 23:01:40 GMT 2
Oh yeah, there's no doubt if that ever was implemented it would be abused like crazy, but it would still be nice (and the current system has got plenty of things that can be abused like crazy anyway).
Hmmm...I didn't use any words normally considered as "cuss words", although I did use the word "crap" and my title was "Delicious Feces!!!". Perhaps I'll try changing the title and submitting again.
Shark Attack 3 is a real gem. The "giant" shark is hilarious. They just take stock footage of a normal shark attacking some seal or something, and then shrink down the actors and their boat and superimpose their image in the shark's mouth. It's so terrible it's awesome. The hero's boat was also apparently created by the same guy who made Inspector Gadget, because one second it's a tiny one man sub, and the next it's a three man sub with a tactical missile launching system and an expandable robotic arm. I hope that director goes on to make many, many more films!
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Post by trashcanman on Aug 27, 2007 4:49:12 GMT 2
3 cheers for "Shark Attack 3"!!! ;D The first two are absolutely worthless, though; I'd skip them. The first has a few laughs because they show stock footage of sharks clearly attacking bait and then cut to a person screaming and thrashing.  But really, I was more offended by the raw artlessness of the cutting then amused by how horribly every scene was botched. 2 is not nearly as bad, it's just BORING AS HELL! |
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Post by xfiruath on Aug 27, 2007 6:10:36 GMT 2
Shark Attack 2 is boring, mostly yes - but the Love Montage man, the LOVE MONTAGE!! The terribly cutesy and cuddly giggling at the end of it, oh Jesus I can't help but fall on the ground in hysterics just thinking about it!
Oh, and the same guy who did the music for Planescape: Torment did the music for that movie. For anyone who is familiar with that PC game, the song that plays when you go into the Brothel of Slating Intellectual Lusts is the same song used during the aquatic sex scene.
Seriously though, the third Shark Attack entry is nearly mythic in it's terrible awesomeness. It seriously rivals Troll 2.
And my review finally posted, hurrah!
Trashcanman: Thanks for the Amazon invite. I'd actually had you on my "interesting people" page since I saw your review of May (I love how horrifically uncomfortable that movie is - just watching it makes you feel dirty, like you're seeing something you really should turn away from, but for some god forsaken reason you keep looking on), and I was planning on sending you an invite today myself.
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Aug 27, 2007 8:31:53 GMT 2
The Curmudgeon's Fortress of Solitude - bringing jaded cynics together.
Some nice reviews there, by the way. When I get some time I'm going to take a look at them. Oh, and take a good rating for SA2, even with its worrying "scat" appreciation ("quite delicious crap... delicious feces..") Where do I FIND these people?!
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Post by hackersanonymous on Aug 27, 2007 20:08:28 GMT 2
Consider the comment copied and pasted.. Now, where's my doughnut, dammit?!
Toodles!
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Post by trashcanman on Aug 28, 2007 0:21:50 GMT 2
My pleasure, xfiruath. I don't remember much of SA2, but I'm fairly certain I watched it on basic cable so it's likely they cut any nudity (see: love montages) out. Fellow Fortress denizens should check out his guide to human stupidity on his Amazon page. It's entitled "So You'd Like To....Cast Aside All Logic and Embrace Insanity" or something like that. I ran across it some time ago and laughed my ass off; good times. It's pure coincidence (or is it?) that he's come into The Fortress with us. It's a small internet after all.
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Post by xfiruath on Aug 28, 2007 20:25:16 GMT 2
Watching any of the Shark Attack movies in an edited format with commercials dispersed throughout would probably be the single most tedious, boring, and suicide-inducing experience I could ever conceive of. I whole heartedly apologize that you had to go through that trashcanman, as that experience right there likely shaved a few days off of your life. You should sue the channel that aired it for damages.
As much as it might pain you to do so Curmudgeon, you should consider writing a review of something that nearly everyone hates. Yes, yes, it's tantamount to selling out I know, but it will help your Amazon ratings quite a bit.
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Post by trashcanman on Aug 28, 2007 21:41:55 GMT 2
I don't know, have you ever seen anything on Amazon with lower than 3 stars on average? No matter how unbelievably shitty anything is there are tons of people who love it, even if it's BECAUSE it is so shitty. Who the hell listens to Flyleaf? youtube.com/watch?v=o5zL3dqdxUg Christ, it's like Lindsay Lohan decided to release a children's metal album, but you'd think it was album of the year looking at the Amazon reviews. I even tried picking a fight on the Amazon page's message board and nobody bit. Maybe they all agreed with me and went out to buy some Otep and Arch Enemy. The key to a high Amazon rating is to review things you love, since only the most cynical bastards (like us) would go looking for a product we know we hate just to laugh at the people who enjoy it. But the big C takes the high road and does the dirty work by going to town on the crap most intelligent people try to pretend doesn't exist. And his poor, abused Amazon rating suffers for it. The price of being right. |
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Aug 28, 2007 22:11:45 GMT 2
Actually, my rating is far more respectible than I ever thought it would be. When I first started, I thought I would be on, like, the bottom million or something, but there I am in the top 10,000 ( I was once in the top 5,000 but a few negative reviews put paid to that.. for now).
That's why I'm fairly bothered about keeping my score up, it's not like pissing in the wind - after my request on here for you merry men to rate me, I've went from 6,800 to 6,400 in about two days. Not bad for a series of reviews aimed at pissing off the gullible, easily riled and ignorant.
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But really, I was more offended by the raw artlessness of the cutting then amused by how horribly every scene was botched. 2 is not nearly as bad, it's just BORING AS HELL!
