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Post by The Curmudgeon on Mar 18, 2007 23:49:19 GMT 2
 Time to 'fess up..Listening to music is one of The Curmudgeon's many passions. I've been buying CD's and the like for a good few years (well, too many years to count, actually) and, well, they've not all been five star classics. Spur of the moment, bargain basement prices and downright drunkenness have lead to some absolutely shocking music purchases. I'm sure I'm not the only one, either. So here we put their spirits to rest, confessing our sins and revealing our very own Criminal Records. What constitutes a Criminal Record? Well, this isn't some poe-faced two fingers at pop music or anything like that. Hell, I have an A-Teens CD (manufactured pop puppets sing bouncy happy pop songs - and the blonde is to DIE for) and I still think it's awesome. A Criminal Record is a release that you'd cringe if someone found at a party whilst raking through your CD's, and also something you know full well you'll never listen to again. A total "What WAS I thinking" experience. I'll go first.. 1. Doop - Doop. For those that haven't heard it, this novelty single was a number one single way back in 1994 or something. And, appallingly, it was the very first single I ever bought. I think I can safely say it has not been played in ten years. 2. Spice Girls - LOTS. Man, I had a big liking for the Spice Girls. I thought Geri Halliwell was quite simply one of the most awesome female specimens on the planet (still wouldn't say no, either). I bought Wannabe when it came out, and then toyed with buying the actual album for a good few weeks, well aware of what it would do to my "cred". I eventually gave in, bought it and the next few singles as well as the second album. I now own 7 Spice Girls records which, really though, is about seven too many. 3. Teletubbies - Say Eh Oh You know, for the life of me I can't even fathom WHY I bought this. When would I listen to it? What possible reason could I have had for wanting to spend money on this? A post-modern, ironic gesture? Um.. yeah, that's it. This CD is in mint condition - I wonder why? OK, I've done three. I'll reveal some more if someone goes next. Come on, let those skeletons out for air.. |
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Post by InvisibleWolfMan on Mar 18, 2007 23:51:04 GMT 2
Well, here goes mine:
1) Cameo - The Hits Collection : WORD UP seems to be the only reason I picked up this CD. Congested nasal rapping was apparently my thing back when I actually enjoyed this track. As it's track 1 on the CD, I've NEVER listened to the rest...WORD UP.
2) Garfield - Am I Cool Or What? : I'm a Garfield fan...have been since I first read him. I got this as it's compiled of many songs from the tv show with artists like Pointer Sisters, Lou Rwals, Patti LaBelle, The Temptations and so on...but it reeks of rerecorded stench and to boot...mid-to-late 80's "Soul" music stylings that should stay buried in that decade.
3) Tom Jones - The Lead and How To Swing It : If it wasn't for IF I ONLY KNEW, I'd probably say the title would refer to how I'd use my hammer to take care of this album.
4) Mortal Kombat - The Album : No, not the soundtrack but the awful techno-track of the 90's that opened the actual movie but came before the game was turned into a movie. Let me tell you...there's only so many shouts of MORRRRRRRTAL KOMMMMMMMBAT one can handel. Let's not forget that they seemed to have a song for every character from the original game....UGH! I keep it only out of it's oddity in pop culture.
5) Snow - 12 Inches Of Snow : Good god, I have no reason to explain....
6) MC Hammer - Please Hammer Don't Hurt 'Em : CAN'T TOUCH THIS had my attention when I was young and I bought the album and listened to the cassette so much I had to buy another after wearing it out. I scooped this CD up at a CD trade show recently, and laughed my ass off from begining to horrible end. Haven't listened to it since as I can't handle that much laughter...
7) Jim Steinman - Bad For Good : You know, I love Meatloaf's BAT OUT OF HELL and BAT OUT OF HELL II: BACK INTO HELL...but let's face it, the songs are a bit winded (especially the second album...let's not discuss the third BAT OUT OF HELL aka WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBOURHOOD). This was Jim's original conception for the follow-up to BAT OUT OF HELL but with Meatloaf's personal termoil and loss of voice, he pressed on and recorded it himself. Ever wonder what Kermit the Frog would sound like singing Meatloaf style songs with a slighly deeper voice? Here you go!
I'm sure I've got many others...but I think it's The Curmudgeon's turn yet again! Over to you, Curmy
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Mar 18, 2007 23:52:01 GMT 2
Well, that is, ahem, unless there's anyone ELSE wanting to contribute?
Just me, then.
By the way, I have the Mortal Kombat CD as well! What, are you nuts?! It's FANTASTIC! I remember sitting in the cinema moaning about going to see this (like I'd EVER have missed it), thinking it was going to be another Streetfighter II movie. Then the music hit and my friend turned to me and said "this is going to be GREAT!" And it was! No, sorry man - that CD does not belong in the Criminal Records section.
OK, I'll give you some more..
Toxic Tunes From Tromaville
Not an embarrassing CD to have I suppose (it always get like-minded people picking it up going "wha...?" but it's a collection of music and songs from Troma movies throughout the years. It's got Sgt Kabukiman on the front and.. well, that's about the best thing it's got going for it. Quirky cool thing to own, I suppose, but it makes for AWFUL listening.
Joshua Kadison - Jessie
Slushy acoustic guitar ballad from one trick pony Joshua, who sits by a piano wearing a Die Hard vest on the front cover, looking like a cross between Michael Bolton and the Cowardly Lion. About as "forty year old woman" as my CD collection gets. Gah.
Boyzone - Baby Can I Hold You?
God, I'm such a hypocrite at times. I spend hours on my Amazon reviews slating boybands and pop stars who do endless covers, and yet, many moons ago I actually bought one, a by the numbers cover version from a boyband about as interesting as watching a bath empty. Why I bought it I'll never know - maybe I was trying to seduce some teenage crush? I imagine I failed.
Bridget Jones' Diary Soundtrack
Ughhh. I know, I know, I know. To my credit, I actually bought this for my ex-fiancee when this movie came out. And then we split up. And I still have the album. Looks like she got the best out of that deal, then.
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Post by hackersanonymous on Mar 18, 2007 23:52:40 GMT 2
Bah... I recently had a massive clearout of my CD collection, and by God there were a few "What the flock?" titles in there...
The one I distinctly remember is Pet Shop Boys Orchestra. It's basically
assorted PSB titles being covered by "The Pet Shop Boys Orchestra", which translates to "Some guy in his bedroom with his Bontempi keyboard".
I'm a massive Pet Shop Boys fan, so this intrigued me in a "God this is going to be awful, but it's only 50p" way. I'd feel robbed of my 50p if it didn't make me laugh so hard..
If anyone ever says that it's dead easy to chuck decent-sounding synth-based (and I don't mean dance shit) music together, I point them in the direction of this particular disc.
I'll post more if I remember which bit of the loft I hid the other CDs in.... What? You didn't think I meant I threw them out, did you?!
Toodle-pip!
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Mar 18, 2007 23:53:20 GMT 2
Yeah, I haven't thrown any of my CD's out either. Haven't even attempted to sell any, which is pretty weird. Still, as embarrassing as some are, now that I'm married I can just tell people; "Oh, that? Pfff - that's HERS."
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Post by Ben on Mar 18, 2007 23:53:55 GMT 2
I've got a few that I wouldn't say are THAT bad, but with my reputation as a metalhead, people get a lot of laughs out of some cds in my collection.
1. Good Charlotte - The Young and the Hopeless- The only punk rock cd I still own, I have no idea why I ever bought it, and the only reason I still have it is because there's so many at the used shop they won't take it.
2. Bon Jovi - This Left Feels Right- I'm a pretty big Bon Jovi fan, but this is one of those stupid cds full of remixed hits. Actually, I sold it for a few bucks at the used shop on Tuesday.
3. Weird Al Yankovich - Bad Hair Day- God Almighty, don't even ask.
I've long since sold just about all of my albums that I wouldn't be caught dead with. I just couldn't stand having a friend flipping through my cd rack and finding something atrocious like, let's say, NOW THATS WHAT I CALL MUSIC VOLUME 8. Talk about embarrassing.
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Mar 18, 2007 23:54:30 GMT 2
Oh man, the Now CD's. Actually, Now 8 would probably sell quite well on ebay. They are quite, er, "collectable", if faceless compilations of boyband dross, one hit wonders and dance shit is what you want to collect.
I've actually heard that Bon Jovi album. It stunk. Now let us never speak of it again.
Good Charlotte are awful, good call on that one, but woah - dissing Weird Al? Them's fighting words.
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Post by InvisibleWolfMan on Mar 18, 2007 23:55:19 GMT 2
Ben,
You still got Weird Al's BAD HAIR DAY? Perhaps I could take it off of your hands....! I'm really missing that album!
Best Regards,
InvisibleWolfMan
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Post by Ben on Mar 18, 2007 23:56:01 GMT 2
Haha, Weird Al fans? I thought I'd seen the last of them. I lost my faith in Weird Al long ago, but the one song of his I still can't get enough of is the hysterical I Remember Larry, which is the only reason I've held on to Bad Hair Day for so long.
Invisiblewolfman-
I'd gladly donate my Bad Hair Day to you, assuming my younger brother doesn't want it. It's missing the cover art but I still have the original case and back art. Now that I think about it, I still have Dare to Be Stupid lying around here somewhere too...
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Post by InvisibleWolfMan on Mar 18, 2007 23:56:58 GMT 2
Ben,
That's quite kind of you! I'd take both...or even any others of Weird Al you have, as I only have RUNNING WITH SCISSORS. The reason for that was when I moved here, I could only take so many CDs...and because the wife wasn't too keen on most of my CDs, I took mainly what she could somewhat stand. Well, while I was away my one cousin (a year and 2 days older, mind you) decided that he'd have a five finger discount in my collection. I lost some nice rarities because of that.
I could work out some kind of trade for you, CDs or a DVD (as I do get some R1 dvds from time to time) if you can find any others other than BAD HAIR DAY or DARE TO BE STUPID...assuming your brother doesn't want BAD HAIR DAY of course.
I'll leave my e-mail below:
Invisible.Wolf.Man@gmail.com
Write me and we'll discuss what can be done!
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Post by CW on Jul 4, 2007 20:01:13 GMT 2
Oh man... I always thought Geir Halliwell was one of the most unnattractive beasts on the planet and The Spice Girls were horrible. And no I'm not a pop snob at all - Sugababes and Girls Aloud have had some great throaway POP moments but the Spicers were just the epitome of dull, uninteresting rubbish. And aside from Emma they were all munting.
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Jul 4, 2007 21:27:48 GMT 2
  Geri Halliwell= teh sexx. I think she was actually most people's favourite, (remember that Ali G song - "you're fitter than the Spice Girls, INCLUDING the ginger") and even now she's still pretty hot. One of her last (horrific) solo videos where she was crawling around like a cat still showed she was pretty tasty. And yeah, Baby Spice would still get some, er, attention too..  Let's just pretend this hateful, pointless, money grabbing reunion isn't happening. |
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Post by CW on Jul 4, 2007 21:51:42 GMT 2
Geri looks like Margaret Thatcher. She looks horrible. I honestly think she's one of the most gruesome pop stars in history - as evidenced by these horribly airbrushed pics.
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Post by Calum Waddell on Sept 27, 2007 18:34:58 GMT 2
All your records are criminal Curmy ha ha ha!  Mine? I have MENSWE@R somewhere in my collection and This is My Truth Tell Me Your by The Manics. I once owned a Genesis Live tape before I liked music. That is so shocking I rarely mention it to anyone. |
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Sept 27, 2007 21:08:02 GMT 2
Heh, yeah that album's not great is it? Some decent songs on it, mind.
And, sigh and double sigh, I notice you're STILL not using your log in name that I made for you? Colour me not shocked.
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