Post by InvisibleWolfMan on Jun 24, 2009 22:35:19 GMT 2
Once again, the ol’ InvisibleWolfMan throws off his cloak of invisibility for the fellow Dwellers here because of a personal matter. No gimmicks to be sold here, only a story to be told:
I've been overweight for most of my natural life. In fact, almost 31 years when this story begins. As other Dwellers out there who have been with The Fortress since the beginning, I've had lots of ups and downs; Friends who go crazy, long-lost family members who should've stayed that way, workmates who made my life so close to Hell that Satan himself started asking me if I wanted to trade my life for his. That, coupled with a rough childhood lead me to seek comfort in two ways; collecting and eating.
I've gone to extent about my DVD and CD collection on another thread but I've never really addressed fully the eating issue. To make a secondary LONG story short, I've been a comfort eater. All those problems I was saddled with I treated with something sliding down my throat and into my stomach. God bless the American Way of keeping the fine line between enjoying life and swallowing death coated in thick, rich hickory smoked chocolate sauce by turning the word FAT into something worse than FUCK...
Of course, no one held the spatula to my head either so in the end I'll pony up and say I was blind only because I enjoyed the benefits of being blind. That is, until my trip to the USA last year.
My back was killing me and I just felt like my legs were bending horribly during that trip. I lied to myself and said "Oh, it's been how you work at a table leaning over all day 5 days a week for 9 months a year." Yeah...but unlike previous summers where the pain would completely drift away after the first 2 weeks of vacation it seemed to go on. And on. And ON...
We get back from our trip and I get a death threat by crazy friend almost immediately upon return. Yet ANOTHER long story made short, after the police report was filed and waiting a few months I receive a letter that all he got for a punishment was a "time served" for the brief stint he was in the mental ward to get "therapy" for himself (which makes me want to laugh now that I've received a NEW threat from him that is even more severe than the last...which is yet ANOTHER lllllooooonnnnnnggggggg story I WON'T be getting into).
Well, for the first time in several well-rested months I was up all night...which was a living HELL considering I had barely beaten a bad patch of insomnia. I was "sleeping" in our guest room (as not to disturb the wife) when I woke up from a brief nod-off and realized that I was SNORING like a chainsaw and it was in fact what had kept me from sleeping. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was horrified;
My head and shoulders looked fine as I was sitting up, but the rest of me looked like....well, to be blunt it looked like the section underneath Jabba The Hut's head. WITHOUT THE TAIL. Suddenly a truth screamed loudly in my brain's ear and said:
"Check your WEIGHT!"
I did, and I was so embarrassed that I actually started to cry. I heard that same truth scream at me again:
"It's now or never...get healthy or you'll end up eating yourself to death!"
Dirty Harry once said "A man's GOT to know his limitations" and for me I knew the day had come for the overweight me who avoided problems by hiding half a candy store shelf in his stomach to get shot in the head by the healthiest bullets I could find;
Diet AND exercise.
I carefully wrote out what I was eating and dingdingding I discovered I was eating not for one but for four(!) people. So I cut down my meal sizes immediately, rationed out my food so I could eat steadily through the day without getting TOO hungry and joined a gym for a month. I promised myself if I could keep to my new health regime during that month then I would join for a full year. That first month was a secondary level of Hell but the rewards of losing weight and feeling happier began to make it seem worthwhile. Not to say that there were a few days I thought of just quitting...like the day I was riding the exercise bike and I literally could imagine that I was like a bicycle tire and air suddenly "bursts" out of my neck-shoulders area and I deflated so much that I couldn't go on with the workout though I should've stayed for 20 minutes more.
These photos, though personal to me, clearly indicate my weight-loss progress over the past year. It's been a long hard road but I feel that I've accomplished something huge in my life. Despite the missteps and the hardships and the increasing challenge of balancing eating and exercise while maintaining everyday life I managed to pull through...
My son Tobias and I at the pool during our vacation in the USA, June 2008. Weight: 298 lbs. / 135 kilos / 21st 3.6lb
Here I am in "the office" room of our house Feb 2009. Weight: 236 lbs. / 107 kilos / 16st 11.9lb
Tobias and I in our stairwell, May 2009. Weight: 207 lbs. / 94 kilos / 14st 11.2lb
Me in our living room without a shirt and a sunburnt face, June 2009. Weight: 195 lbs. / 88.5 kilos / 13st 13.1lb
Me in our living room, June 2009, contemplating the year that has passed. Weight: 195 lbs. / 88.5 kilos / 13st 13.1lb
What's the secret and how much does it cost, I hear you and your relatives scrolling down further to read.
Nothing...I've just kept at it, which is key.
I'll admit that sometimes it's really hard to look at myself in the mirror because so much has changed. I'm so used to seeing myself mentally as looking similar to what I do in the picture where I weigh 298 lbs. / 135 kilos / 21st 3.6lb that I almost can't wrap my mind around the fact that I'm now a healthier weight. I think it speaks a lot of my own personal internal depression that I bottled up when I look at that picture.
Losing the weight also forced my to confront LOADS of issues I'd avoided for YEARS. It is probably the toughest thing to admit where things didn't go right and how it affects not only yourself but those around you. It's truly rewarding to see that finally working out many of those problems and laying to rest those that can never have a solution for various reasons has made my priorities shift in a way I never would have believed possible.
I use my .mp3 player a lot during my workouts and having songs that are between 100-120 beats per minute help as you keep a high rhythm right along with the music. AC/DC's POWERAGE album is great because it doesn't let up on the energy. My workouts also have helped me have respect for bands in the sense that to keep up that kind of energy night after night when performing is like a workout. You know what the best songs are to jump rope to? Extreme's PLAY WITH ME, Van Halen's AIN'T TALKIN' 'BOUT LOVE and RIGHT NOW.
I'm currently doing exercises that should keep my weight steady now but keep off the excess from building back up. It's difficult enough to warrant a day's rest in-between workouts and I can only do it 3 times a week.
Whew...
I've been overweight for most of my natural life. In fact, almost 31 years when this story begins. As other Dwellers out there who have been with The Fortress since the beginning, I've had lots of ups and downs; Friends who go crazy, long-lost family members who should've stayed that way, workmates who made my life so close to Hell that Satan himself started asking me if I wanted to trade my life for his. That, coupled with a rough childhood lead me to seek comfort in two ways; collecting and eating.
I've gone to extent about my DVD and CD collection on another thread but I've never really addressed fully the eating issue. To make a secondary LONG story short, I've been a comfort eater. All those problems I was saddled with I treated with something sliding down my throat and into my stomach. God bless the American Way of keeping the fine line between enjoying life and swallowing death coated in thick, rich hickory smoked chocolate sauce by turning the word FAT into something worse than FUCK...
Of course, no one held the spatula to my head either so in the end I'll pony up and say I was blind only because I enjoyed the benefits of being blind. That is, until my trip to the USA last year.
My back was killing me and I just felt like my legs were bending horribly during that trip. I lied to myself and said "Oh, it's been how you work at a table leaning over all day 5 days a week for 9 months a year." Yeah...but unlike previous summers where the pain would completely drift away after the first 2 weeks of vacation it seemed to go on. And on. And ON...
We get back from our trip and I get a death threat by crazy friend almost immediately upon return. Yet ANOTHER long story made short, after the police report was filed and waiting a few months I receive a letter that all he got for a punishment was a "time served" for the brief stint he was in the mental ward to get "therapy" for himself (which makes me want to laugh now that I've received a NEW threat from him that is even more severe than the last...which is yet ANOTHER lllllooooonnnnnnggggggg story I WON'T be getting into).
Well, for the first time in several well-rested months I was up all night...which was a living HELL considering I had barely beaten a bad patch of insomnia. I was "sleeping" in our guest room (as not to disturb the wife) when I woke up from a brief nod-off and realized that I was SNORING like a chainsaw and it was in fact what had kept me from sleeping. I looked at myself in the mirror and I was horrified;
My head and shoulders looked fine as I was sitting up, but the rest of me looked like....well, to be blunt it looked like the section underneath Jabba The Hut's head. WITHOUT THE TAIL. Suddenly a truth screamed loudly in my brain's ear and said:
"Check your WEIGHT!"
I did, and I was so embarrassed that I actually started to cry. I heard that same truth scream at me again:
"It's now or never...get healthy or you'll end up eating yourself to death!"
Dirty Harry once said "A man's GOT to know his limitations" and for me I knew the day had come for the overweight me who avoided problems by hiding half a candy store shelf in his stomach to get shot in the head by the healthiest bullets I could find;
Diet AND exercise.
I carefully wrote out what I was eating and dingdingding I discovered I was eating not for one but for four(!) people. So I cut down my meal sizes immediately, rationed out my food so I could eat steadily through the day without getting TOO hungry and joined a gym for a month. I promised myself if I could keep to my new health regime during that month then I would join for a full year. That first month was a secondary level of Hell but the rewards of losing weight and feeling happier began to make it seem worthwhile. Not to say that there were a few days I thought of just quitting...like the day I was riding the exercise bike and I literally could imagine that I was like a bicycle tire and air suddenly "bursts" out of my neck-shoulders area and I deflated so much that I couldn't go on with the workout though I should've stayed for 20 minutes more.
These photos, though personal to me, clearly indicate my weight-loss progress over the past year. It's been a long hard road but I feel that I've accomplished something huge in my life. Despite the missteps and the hardships and the increasing challenge of balancing eating and exercise while maintaining everyday life I managed to pull through...
My son Tobias and I at the pool during our vacation in the USA, June 2008. Weight: 298 lbs. / 135 kilos / 21st 3.6lb
Here I am in "the office" room of our house Feb 2009. Weight: 236 lbs. / 107 kilos / 16st 11.9lb
Tobias and I in our stairwell, May 2009. Weight: 207 lbs. / 94 kilos / 14st 11.2lb
Me in our living room without a shirt and a sunburnt face, June 2009. Weight: 195 lbs. / 88.5 kilos / 13st 13.1lb
Me in our living room, June 2009, contemplating the year that has passed. Weight: 195 lbs. / 88.5 kilos / 13st 13.1lb
What's the secret and how much does it cost, I hear you and your relatives scrolling down further to read.
Nothing...I've just kept at it, which is key.
I'll admit that sometimes it's really hard to look at myself in the mirror because so much has changed. I'm so used to seeing myself mentally as looking similar to what I do in the picture where I weigh 298 lbs. / 135 kilos / 21st 3.6lb that I almost can't wrap my mind around the fact that I'm now a healthier weight. I think it speaks a lot of my own personal internal depression that I bottled up when I look at that picture.
Losing the weight also forced my to confront LOADS of issues I'd avoided for YEARS. It is probably the toughest thing to admit where things didn't go right and how it affects not only yourself but those around you. It's truly rewarding to see that finally working out many of those problems and laying to rest those that can never have a solution for various reasons has made my priorities shift in a way I never would have believed possible.
I use my .mp3 player a lot during my workouts and having songs that are between 100-120 beats per minute help as you keep a high rhythm right along with the music. AC/DC's POWERAGE album is great because it doesn't let up on the energy. My workouts also have helped me have respect for bands in the sense that to keep up that kind of energy night after night when performing is like a workout. You know what the best songs are to jump rope to? Extreme's PLAY WITH ME, Van Halen's AIN'T TALKIN' 'BOUT LOVE and RIGHT NOW.
I'm currently doing exercises that should keep my weight steady now but keep off the excess from building back up. It's difficult enough to warrant a day's rest in-between workouts and I can only do it 3 times a week.
Whew...
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Perhaps Ben said it best when he said "Awesome, just awesome!" ;D 
?!!! Can I wait until then, or will the Special Rectal Edition of CROSSROADS be OOP?!
;D And those aren't really underpants though I can understand your concern. I just wanted to take a picture of me in shorts and standing in a similar way as the first picture at the very first post in this thread so the difference between last year and this year was VERY clear. 
