My new favourite villain.

[The Curmudgeon]

The Curmudgeon is a huge fan of, and indeed models his online persona on, supervillains. Not the slobbering insanity of, say, Venom, or the cackling wisecrackers like the Joker, but more the glove and cloak kind, the sort that lives in grand towers and doesn't want to just kill people, they want to rule the world. Darth Vader, Dr Doom.. you know the type I mean.

Anyway, this guy doesn't really fit into the above archetype, but he's so gloriously over the top EVIL that he just .. he just RULES.

Everyone pay homage to.. AKUMA!



Yeah... you're pretty much fucked if you see that.

I'd heard of Akuma before, of course, but I've only just managed to complete SFIV on a harder level (if I lose once I switch off in a rage, no continues here) and so this was the first time I'd really seen him in the new game.

Everything about the guy is just pure awesome.

He jumps over a statue and says "My fists bleed death!"

His special move is SO special you don't even SEE it. He just grabs you, you get a close up of his face and he says "die a thousand deaths!" DIE A THOUSAND DEATHS! I lost the first round because I actually "lol'd"!

When he beats you, he turns his back and just shouts "FOOL!"

Let's face it, you don't get much better villainy than that.

Have I mentioned I love Street Fighter IV before?

[trashcanman]

In passing, yes. I fucking HATE fighting that dude on the harder levels. You don't ever want to see me playing time trial and they set me up against fucking Akuma at the end after a brilliant run. I will pitch the sissiest fit you will ever see. He blocks everything I do and then dragon punches my ass all day until he does that thousand deaths move and ends my suffering.

[The Curmudgeon]

The most annoyed I get is during the online play, when you go up against either

a) some fucking nerd who's read tips on how to never lose; block, fireball, jump kick, block fireball, jump kick, block, fireball..

b) some dick who just does one move over and over and over again. Zangief's spin, for example.

In other words - I hate to lose.

So how do you unlock the other fighters, Trashy? I thought beating the game without losing a damn match would have been enough, but all I got were some crappy trophies. Give me Akuma and Cammy, dammit!

[trashcanman]

Akuma: After unlocking Sakura, Dan, Cammy, Fei Long, Gen and Rose, Play with someone you've beat the game with and get at least 1 perfect (on single round matches) and use no continues.

Cammy: End the arcade mode with Crimson Viper

Dan: End the arcade mode with Sakura

Fei Long: End the arcade mode with Abel

Gen: End the arcade mode with Chun-Li

Gouken: Complete the game with Akuma. Then (in single round matches) get at least 2 perfects, 3 Ultra Finishes, 5 first attacks and don't use any continues.

Rose: End the arcade mode with M.Bison

Sakura: End the arcade mode with Ryu

Seth: End the game with all the other characters


Holy shit! Good luck getting Akuma without breaking your controller out of frustration first. I guess if you play on easy (which I refuse to do) you can do it without too much of a problem. Beating the game with Crimsons Viper was a hell of a challenge. That character is just useless o me. But I had to do it to get Cammy. I actually never played this game online because there is so much of that bullshit (called "spamming") where people just do the same thing over and over. How is that even fun? I'd rather have a dynamic, technical, hard-fought match and lose then win by doing the same thing over and over again any day. Among my buds in person I'm undefeated, although that isn't saying much. Give me Sakura and I will fucking destroy noobs all day.

[The Curmudgeon]

It's a pity you're not on PS3, Trash. I would have loved to have taken you on - E Honda vs Sakura. FIGHT! We may have seen a repeat of the Anime movie where Chun Li kicks the shit out of Honda for copping a feel. Can't blame the guy, really...

[trashcanman]

Holy shit, that would be the very worst scenario for you. With Sakura's horizontal range on her dragon punch, she'd be a nightmare to deal with with a big slow dude like Honda.