Post by The Curmudgeon on Nov 5, 2009 19:29:52 GMT 2
Just in time for Christmas - an abomination!
With Christmas advancing upon us like impending doom, once again we jettison all those pesky thoughts of recycling, carbon footprints and being sensible with money out of our minds and begin the annual, increasingly grim farce that is Christmas. Yes, you too can line up in supermarkets with more food than you could hope to eat in a month (all for one day) whilst listening to "Feed the World". You too can continue the pointless, hollow sham of sending Christmas cards to everyone you know for no reason at all. And yes, you too can continue the obscene tradition of spending more and more money on gifts, cursing yourself for giving into the hype - yet again - safe in the knowledge that you'll be dancing to the same tune like a tinseled up automaton in 12 months time.
So with that in mind, The Curmudgeon brings you all a seasonal warning; if you're buying gifts for kids, BE CAREFUL what you buy. In this day and age of information at our fingertips, there really is no excuse for buying bad toys. A quick Google search will give you all the advice on what to buy, as well as "reviews" from the usual idiots on Amazon who seem to think their opinions actually count for something, (your humble narrator obviously excluded). But you just know some non-clued up granny or well meaning but dumb-ass mother is going to shell out hard earned money to earn their child's love, only to see little Timmy's excited, hopeful face fall as they rip open that carefully wrapped parcel and discover what is, essentially, a steaming festive turd.
We're talking jigsaw puzzles of animals. We're talking those creepy Marvel figures with the dopey smiling faces and glassy eyes. We're talking bargain bin merchandise of movies no-one liked (The Mummy 3 action figures, anyone?) And yes, we're talking this atrocity - the Transformers version of Boba Fett.
It's quite a perverse skill, I suppose; take two undoubtedly very cool things - Boba Fett and Transformers - and combine the two to make something so wretched it deserves to be placed on top of every crackling yuletide log under the fireplace. An obvious example of "well, kids like Star Wars. And kids like Transformers. Isn't there a way we can combine the two?" Answer being - no. No you can't. Because, unlike adults, kids aren't stupid about this sort of thing. No kid in it's right mind is going to accept the fact that BOBA FETT TRANSFORMS INTO HIS SPACE SHIP.
Believe it or not, kids don't just take thing with wheels and run them up the furniture making "brrrrm" noises. They create stories based on what they know and have seen on TV. And how the hell does a kid fathom out Boba Fett turning into his damn ship?? I'm not saying kids are all "that's not considered canon" nerds (that comes later) but give them some credit.
Taking two famous brands and forcing them together could, I suppose, work. If done well. With a little care and attention to detail, the merging of two vastly different entities could perhaps bring something new and exciting for kids to play with.
But LOOK at the picture of Boba Fett here. Seriously, look at it. Is Boba pregnant? Is he wearing a tracksuit? Does he have Jabba's lunch stuffed up his jacket? And why does he have a hunchback? One of the most iconic, cool characters in the entire Star Wars universe suddenly morphed into a spindly-armed blue and grey Sumo wrestler. Gee.. thanks Hasbro.
Someone, somewhere, is buying this awful toy, and some kid, somewhere, is pretending to like it. Don't let it be you.
