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Post by The Curmudgeon on Nov 24, 2010 19:43:28 GMT 2
 I hope you kept the receipt, Susan.One of my very favourite moments in the history of providing the Official Room 101 of Amazon was my review of Susan Boyle's debut album, that two ton turd of a record that had idiots falling over themselves trying to praise it, with laughable and often baffling use of hyperbole to describe Susan’s voice, as if hearing it could cure the sick, make Israel and Palestine have a group-hug and drag Princess Diana back from Hell. And so slating it (as, indeed, it richly deserved) was ever so much fun, simply for the upset and anger it caused to the musically ignorant and reality show brainwashed. So, with that in mind, there was no way I was going to miss the opportunity of reviewing her new album. Especially when, and get this, it's easily worse than the first. Described as a "Gift to her fans" (I don't remember ever having to PAY for a gift before..?), the makers of this album seem to think that slowing every song down so damn much that it barely has a pulse, then adding a backing orchestra = haunting beauty. When in fact, all it does is make quite possibly the most boring album of the year. Boyle's voice is admittedly nice enough, but there's no way she can hold your attention for more than a minute, especially on these flat and, frankly, tedious songs. And whilst before it was the Stone's "Wild Horses" being given the Boyle treatment, this time its Lou Reed's dedication to being ripped to the gills on heroin, Perfect Day. Somehow the stripped back charm and honesty of the original is lost in Boyle’s brainless, overblown honk. There's no depth in the vocal, no sense of humility in the "I wish I was someone else, someone good" line - nothing. She could be reading the back of a Cornflakes box for the range of emotion she gives out here. Oh, and look – there’s also 2008’s X Factor song, Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah”, for the 12 people in the world who aren’t sick to death of it by now. It’s funny the phrase “you don’t really care for music, do ya?” is still included, as it pretty much sums up the mentality of anyone who actually buys these horrible records in the first place. Anyway, throw in another cover of Crowded House’s “Don’t Dream It’s Over (when listening to it, that’s all I did) and six Christmas carols that will, honestly, have you weeping into your hands and eying up that bottle of bleach under the sink. Your life has not hit rock bottom until you sit through “Away in a Manger” (seriously, that is actually on this album) by Susan Boyle. The real facepalm moment comes in at the third track, as its a duet with newcomer Amber Stassi. You won’t know who she is, so let me explain. Susan put out a “search for a star” style competition to find the New Susan Boyle. Quite how you entered that, I’m not sure. How DO you become the New Susan Boyle? Surely sending the application form back covered in your own drool and excrement would’ve been a good start. So it’s as syrupy, over produced and dead inside as every other song on this wretched album. “Do You Hear What I Hear?” Sure do, Susan – that’s me vomiting into the sink. Here’s the thing; Susan Boyle seems like a fairly fun, jolly woman, that is when she's removed from the flashing lights and media hooplah that make you think she’s going to cause a riot like a hairier King Kong. So the idea of removing all sense of fun and frivolity from her and instead replacing it with Super Serious Susan is actually a dis-service to the woman herself. She says that she wanted to create an album dedicated to the music of her youth. That's fine. But if anyone’s youth was as barren and boring as the music here, they'd have emptied a shotgun barrel into their mouths by now. I’m not saying Boyle should be body-popping or beat boxing, but Hells bells, give her a song with at least a BIT of kick to it. Is that really so much to ask? To newcomers who want to see what all the fuss is about – do NOT be fooled by the hype, the sales or the salivating, urine-stained drones on this website. Susan has a nice, if not great, voice, and it's lost and wasted on yet another album of dreary, imagination-free cover versions. Whoever you are, you deserve better than that. |
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Post by JA Lebentritt on Nov 25, 2010 10:59:15 GMT 2
ORIGINAL COMMENT FROM AMAZON.COMHe's back and they aren't going to like this comment either 
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Post by Julie A Requia on Nov 25, 2010 10:59:51 GMT 2
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oh god another @$$ whole.
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Post by KevinBunky on Nov 25, 2010 11:00:34 GMT 2
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I am amazed he was as kind as he was to Susan Boyle. More venom was spewed at the fools that actually buy this dreck. Face it, she is just a puppet in the much bigger playing field of gathering sympathy and money. Curmudgeon's style might be considered too harsh by many, but he is genius of pure clarity and vision of truth. Sometimes you've got to zap people between the eyes to make them realize the kernals of wisdom contained herein.
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Post by JA Lebentritt on Nov 25, 2010 11:01:08 GMT 2
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I listened to Susan sing on The Today show and her voice was cracking.
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Post by kismet 1953 on Nov 25, 2010 14:10:05 GMT 2
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How does a "review" like this even make it onto the website? I assumed they had editors who weeded out the trash. That's just what this is - "The Curmudgeon" reminds me of an eight-year-old who's trying to see how gross, disgusting, and nasty he can be. Don't like Miss Boyle's CD? Fine. Say so like a grown-up. This person's comments need to be pulled from Amazon like the worthless garbage they are.
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Post by Julie A Requia on Nov 25, 2010 19:56:35 GMT 2
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like a couple of other garbage bags that tried out for AI and got told a dog howling sounds better by Simon Cowell.
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Post by J Pendris on Nov 26, 2010 17:15:45 GMT 2
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you ARE pathetic !!!!!
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Post by Michael Kettering on Nov 26, 2010 17:16:28 GMT 2
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Ah Curmudgeon! Would I be right in assuming that you didn't like it then? You and I are close in our abhorrence of this over-rated screwball singer. Although you use a somewhat bigger baseball bat to bludgeon her and her sycophantic followers with. More strength to your elbow I say.
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Post by Corkie on Nov 29, 2010 11:21:15 GMT 2
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Alright, you absolutely positively dislike Susan Boyle and her music -- that's a given. You totally disliked her first album -- point made. There was a 99.9% chance you would hate her next album also. Why buy it -- if you even did? I think you just wanted to pass on the One Star for pure spite.
There are any number of artists I do not care for for various reasons. Either I don't care for their voices or their style of music. So, I DO NOT BUY THEIR MUSIC. It's really very simple and by doing likewise, you can be put out of your misery by avoiding Ms. Boyle's music in the future. Then you will be happy and not have to be a curmudgeon.
The one thing I would not do because I have extremely high ethics, is go on a public forum and trash the artists I do not care for. I do what I need to do by not buying their music. I suggest you do the same and save yourself some agony.
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Post by JulieSLeonard on Dec 1, 2010 20:08:52 GMT 2
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Wow - bitter much?
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Post by Geoff Puterbaugh on Dec 1, 2010 20:09:46 GMT 2
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Methinks this review was actually written by The Underground Man (from Dostoevsky's "Notes from the Underground.") It takes a very strange personality to damn both SuBo and her fans ("salivating, urine-stained drones" I think it was) for no particular reason other than getting out of the wrong side of bed every day.
Yep, sounds like The Cockroach Man to me. :-)
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Post by Heliacal Uprising on Dec 1, 2010 21:23:29 GMT 2
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Spot on review. Being subjected to this poor excuse for music has forced me to loose all hope for humanity. I am writing this comment on my cellphone as I lay on the train tracks behind my house, waiting for the end.
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Post by Brainhead1 on Dec 7, 2010 11:04:48 GMT 2
ORIGINAL COMMENT FROM AMAZON.COMSorry, as Mr. Strickland would say, I'm a SLACKER. Here's an album that I would recommend instead. www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00000JG41/ref=cm_cd_asin_lnk(Edit: I changed it to this because it seems more appropriate to what fans of an accomplished singer would like) This is the type of album pop stars should strive to make. One that's weird, catchy, fun, and innovative. Mike Patton usually delivers on all of those traits no matter what band he's fronting. This is one of his best. Doubt his vocal capabilities? Give Vanity Fair a listen.
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Post by Goofus on Jan 10, 2011 15:16:19 GMT 2
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In what way is criticism of a pop record on a public forum unethical? How does the subject of ethics have any bearing whatsoever, especially considering this site has a provision for one-star ratings, and lets one post comments that explain that rating?
Please tell me. I am honestly curious.
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