By Trashcanman's request...

[Ben]

I give you my Sunshine Kids Sure Steps Safety Strap, Blue (a.k.a. child leash) Amazon review in all its unhelpful glory (2/27 was the final tally before its removal). Enjoy.

Too many times have I gone to the mall, or Wal-Mart, or even the grocery store and seen a child restrained by one of these "harnesses." I quote this word because it is not a harness, it's an atrocity. It's the same thing you put on your dog when you take it for a walk. It's a LEASH. But why one star? Anything that keeps children safe is good, right? WRONG.

For one, any child so out of control he needs to be restrained with a LEASH should NOT be brought to a public place. "But my child will run away and be stolen!" you whine. Then maybe YOU should have taught him to behave, lady. Maybe you should have taught him to listen to AUTHORITY. "But I did teach my child these things!" you blather. Then why would he run away? "Children are curious, children aren't aware, children get distracted!" you say. That's why YOU are there to keep an eye on them and to TEACH them right and wrong. It is RIGHT to stay close to mommy; it is WRONG to run off without permission.

This leash is nothing more than an excuse for bad parenting. The worst part about it? It's not even safe. This leash attaches to the child with velcro. VELCRO, ladies and gentlemen. You know, the material they put on CHILDREN's shoes because it's EASY to fasten and unfasten! Any child able to walk will be able to tear away from this thing as soon as mommy turns her back, and turn her back she will because her child is safely attached to the shopping cart with the leash. WRONG AGAIN.

Mommy, distracted by a clothing sale, will not even notice her child galloping away to freedom. He'll be halfway across the store by the time she notices. Laugh, go ahead. I've seen it happen. Worse yet, in his attempt to break free, Mommy (or, more likely in this case, Daddy) will yank on the leash and bring the child crashing to the floor on his behind. Some call this discipline. I call it BAD PARENTING.

It's one thing when someone comes up with a safe product that keeps kids from getting lost, but this is not one of those products. This is a leash, and a cheaply crafted leash at that. It will not keep your kids from running away OR getting lost. And speaking of running away, who wouldn't if you attach a leash to them? It is in the leash's very nature to invoke rebellion. Be a good parent: buy a stroller; watch out for your kid at the store. Don't be the irresponsible parent with the leash.

[The Curmudgeon]

Damn good stuff, Ben. And I can only imagine the grief that caused from outraged, jack-off parents, trying to explain themselves. Ha ha ha. YES! More of this, I say! MORE!

[Ben]

No need to imagine, Curmudgeon, for I have saved the comments as well. I will post them in the near future.

[Ben]

Here's the first batch:

Jennifer Eastman says:
To express your personal opinion about a product you merely feel is inappropriate is not what Amazon is about. We all have the freedom to choose, it is not up to you to judge people for their choices. I wonder if you even have kids. If so, you were blessed with very non-curious, non-overexcitable children. You should focus more of your attention on teaching your children to be less judgemental. If you don't have kids, you should definately keep your parenting advice to yourself, since you actually know nothing on the subject.


S. Hathaway says:
Thank you, Jennifer, I was wondering the same thing -- whether or not Ben has any children. Like a person can really "control" a child, especially a toddler or younger! Of course, they're of that age when they're still learning about authority. Some people need harnesses for their kids -- not because they're bad parents -- but there can be unforeseen distractions.


Ben says:
Well, Jennifer, you are right about one thing: I don't have any kids of my own. I am, however, involved with kids daily at my place of employment.

S. Hathaway- "A toddler or younger" belongs in the stroller or the shopping cart. They shouldn't be out walking around in the store, even if they are attached to a leash.


RachelZ3 says:
Ben, you are just so out of line here it's amazing. Really, could you be less informed at the same time as being condescending and judgmental? Check out this video: abclocal.go.com/wabc/story?section=news/local&id=7750216

(I must interrupt to insert laughter at RachelZ3's seriousness. She posted a damn link! Watch out!)

And the Amber Alert. In case the link doesn't translate, you can use a search engine for "Screaming nanny helps avert abduction of boy, 4". There's a lot of bad people out there, and it's not my child who is at fault, nor my parenting. Nor was it the fault of either the bus driver or the mommy whose 2 year old darted in front of an incoming bus- when his 4 year old sister had distracted his mother for a nanosecond. The child died, the bus driver is destroyed- to say nothing of the rest of the child's surviving family.
You so buried your review of the harness itself while blathering on in your ignorance, that is understandable that no one got your point about "THIS leash is not safe". And you are completely out of line saying "a toddler or younger belongs in a stroller". What, it's somehow kinder to strap them in to a 5 point harness in a sitting position? More freedom? More discipline? Not to mention the impossibility of getting around in the city. The law says that a child must NOT be in a stroller on a city bus.
This is not "back in the day". You have no point, you just want to espouse your views and I am wasting my time by even addressing you.


N. McCarthy says:
Why would you write a review for a product you haven't purchased? Why did you even look at this product if you think it's so wrong?


Ben says:
Rachel- If you feel you're "wasting your time" by addressing me (and you are) then why do so in the first place? Oh, and way to demonstrate how NOT to be "condescending and judgemental." Practice what you preach.

N. McCarthy- Why'd you comment on my review if you think I'm so wrong?

[trashcanman]

Oh please, oh please, do post those comments. I will admit to using one of these things on my son once, maybe twice. I think we got it as a gift. It was primarily when he was just learning to walk (I wanted him to practice walking in public with no stroller) to keep him from diving into traffic, which he would absolutely do, and I'm not a fan of shouting at toddlers and/or spanking them in public. But yeah, those things suck. If you make it a habit to put your kid on a leash, you are probably a douche. Stroller is the way to go if your kid is fast as lightning and prone to suicidal behavior. You get a lot less dirty looks, you get to keep you and your child's dignity, and other people can avoid potential neck injuries from shaking their head at you. Everybody wins.

[nellabella]

Hey I know all those jack offs. They copy and paste their comments all over Amazon. Great review Ben. Did you and Mr C go to the same review writing school?

I hate when parents treat their kids like pets.

[Ben]

May 14, 2011 1:20:04 GMT 2 nellabella said:

Hey I know all those jack offs. They copy and paste their comments all over Amazon. Great review trash. Did you and Mr C go to the same review writing school?

I hate when parents treat their kids like pets.

Actually, Nella, I would be the, er, author of said review. I am flattered that you mistook my writing for that of Trashcanman though. It means I'm quality!

Your last remark was essentially the point of my review. I'm not against keeping kids safe of course, but more often than not the kids on leashes belong to lazy-ass parents and it irritates me. Mostly because I work with children so I see first hand the effects of poor/lazy/the-complete-lack-of parenting.

[trashcanman]

I'm a big fan of rant reviews. Is it "helpful"? Maybe not. But Amazon is filled with hilarious sarcastic reviews and essays about given issues related to the products and I, for one, like to read them so long as they are well-thought out. And the laziness of today's parents is infuriating. You just chose that particular product to unleash your fury upon. Those leashes are just lame, and i can't see why anyone would want to use them regularly.

[nellabella]

I corrected my error Ben. My apologies. I really enjoy reading reviews like yours on Amazon.