Post by The Curmudgeon on Aug 12, 2011 22:27:33 GMT 2
Let's hope she does a Brian Jones.
England is in turmoil. There is blood, chaos and anarchy on the streets. Riots, looting, unspeakable violence.. a nation on the brink of total collapse. There have been various reasons put forward for this; A lost generation biting back at a society that has forgotten them. Mass unemployment. Race wars. And, oh yeah, some guy got shot, or something. But, really, all you hand-wringers and chin-strokers of Britain seeking a reason for the riots? Is it any coincidence that the week England fell apart was the same week Cher Lloyd hit number one with Swagger Jagger? Because if anything makes me want to rise up and smash the state, it's this song.
Catch-up time for anyone unfamiliar with this latest trace of blood on music's toilet paper; Cher Lloyd was one of the more notable contestants of 2010's X-Factor, in that she didn't just sing, she, get this, RAPPED too. Like.. radical. So cue Simon Cowell tagging her "relevant" and "modern" (quite what that made the other contestants I've no idea), and, yes, admittedly she was actually pretty interesting to watch every week, not only because she's super hot, but because at least we could be spared the usual torturous, routine ballads and murdered classics the rest of that year's walking gag-reflexes provided. But, like Jedward the year before, what makes for a fun diversion from the usual tedium doesn't translate well on record. In a way though, Cher Lloyd's debut may well be worse than Jedward's. At least they KNEW they weren't talented and the whole thing was a gag. I think some people are expecting us to take this drivel seriously.
So, what is this new, best-selling number one record, then? Well, the chorus steals the tune to "My Darling Clementine", which makes even Huckleberry Hound's attempts seem like aural Heaven in comparison. The rest? More boring puffed chest posturing and obnoxious fake bravado all too familiar on today's grating, idiot filled pop scene. So it seems we can't stop talking about her. We can't stop writing about her. We can't stop watching her on Youtube (yeah, with the sound down, love). I dunno about you, but someone seems mighty sure of themselves after coming fourth on a talent show, after just beating an Irish sumo wrestler but being soundly trumped by an atrocious boyband, a contender for most boring woman in the world and a singing hat. Wow, Cher. Go YOU.
This is now the third big hit song in a little over a year to rhyme the word "Swagger" and "Jagger." Think about that for a second. It's not just an easy rhyme like "crazy" and "baby" (which a billion other songs use), it's just lazy songwriting and shows an overall lack of ideas. In fact, there isn't a single original thought in this mess. It's just cut-and-paste pop trash; a stolen tune here, a pinched lyric there. I know her family are gypsies and everything, but come on. Stick to stealing lead on roofs, at least.
Herein lies the problem with Cher Lloyd. Yes, Simon, she IS current. She IS modern. You know who else is current and modern? The Black Eyed Peas. Jason Derulo. Chris Brown. And THAT is clearly the type of irritating, throwaway pop mush Lloyd is molding herself on (hell, the song she qualified to be on the show with was originally by Souljaboy, AKA The Anti-Talent). Cher Lloyd is very much a creation of her environment; a creature raised and brainwashed by the 24/7 modern hip-hop cliches that are now part of a moron's everyday vernacular. She talks about money, she talks about swagger, she talks about haters.. it's all fill in the blanks, heard it all a billion times before garbage. Although this time it's even more watered down and weakened, "Swagger Jagger" being obviously aimed at 12 year old's who will also continue the cycle that Miss Lloyd is in, repeating and referencing weary, worn out dialogue that, somewhere, perhaps in a different universe, used to actually mean something. It's little more than regurgitating slogans and phrases and mistaking that for having a personality. You feel like stopping Cher half-way through this horrible song, when she's telling people to "get their game on", and ask her "OK, you, ALL of you..what the hell are you actually talking about?" The silence would fill stadiums.
There is, of course, a certain irony in the fact I'm writing a hate-filled rant against a song and a singer where the subject is "laughing all the way" because people can't stop writing about her. And that's fine. But don't worry, Cher - I'll stop talking about you now, just like the rest of the world soon will too.
See: Cher Lloyd - Swagger Jagger
www.musicloversgroup.com/cher-lloyd-swagger-jagger-lyrics-and-video/
[/URL]
