Post by The Curmudgeon on Apr 8, 2007 18:08:08 GMT 2
Quite possibly the stupidest film of all time.
You know that feeling you get, just in the opening moments of a movie and you KNOW you're going to hate it? Ding - that's what happened with this wretched pap.
So, Tom Hanks, then. He plays a character called Viktor Navoski (he's foreign, you see? All foreign people have names like that). Due to a war in his native country (some made up one to avoid offence, let's call it Loserville) he has to stay IN the airport and can't leave at all.
What could have been a promising idea turns into the most mawkish, sentimental and downright STUPID movie I've ever had the misfortune to sit and scorn through. For a start, Viktor knows NO ENGLISH. Not one word. Not hello, goodbye - nothing. So how does he overcome this seemingly insomountable obstacle? He buys a book on the sitcom FRIENDS and learns EVERY WORD in the English language. You'd think he'd maybe just learn the words to unfunny tag-along Phoebe's unfunny "Smelly Cat" song, and oft repeated catchphrases like "How You Doin'" or "We Were On A Break", but no. Now Viktor can talk in perfect, unbroken English, albeit now sounding like Bela Lugosi.
That's just one of the many howlers in this movie. He sets up home in an abandoned area of the airport (you know, you think with 9/11 and stuff, the airport staff would be a bit more, like, observant) and turns it into his own little place. It would take a team of about six men a month to do what Viktor does in about two days.
Add to that the inevitable, beyond tedious love story with Catherine Zeta Jones, who wouldn't be interested in someone like Viktor in a million years. And..
You know what? It's awful, and not worth any more of my time. And take my advice, it's not worth any more of yours.
