Post by The Curmudgeon on Apr 8, 2007 20:56:17 GMT 2
Damn, I hate agreeing with everyone else but..
That's something that bugs me - agreeing with everyone else on here. Take something else I've reviewed, some reality TV dreck, I dunno - usually it's just full of reviews like "Shayne really steals the show with his cover of Dancin' In The Moonlight, and now I luv this show 4eva and I luv Shayne 4eva" by some mindless pondlife, then along comes The Curmudgeon and gives The Truth.
But here, it's both too easy and too hard. See, it's too easy because EVERYONE is slating this movie - every review is 2 stars or less and everyone is saying the same thing - that the movie sucks. And here's where it's too hard - it's too hard NOT to join in, because the movie is THAT bad.
A lot of people like to bunch together bad comic book movies as a discussion piece, and Catwoman will join that infamous list as its most recent calamity (but by no means the worst - step forward Supergirl for that honour). Now, box office flops usually get put alongside the bad ones, but just because they didn't do well financially doesn't make them bad (the Phantom and the new Punisher are two common names thrown in. Phantom was an excellent homage to the classic 30's serials, giving an old-fashioned sense of adventure with a likable hero, albeit in a silly costume and Punisher was just all kinds of awesome).
Catwoman, however, deserved to tank the way it did. And the likes of Phantom and Punisher didn't have either the cash or the media exposure this film did. As much as she attempts to save face nowadays (her post-modern, tongue in cheek "victory speech" as she won worst actress), Halle Berry promoted the HELL out of this film, and she really did think she was, ahem, the cats whiskers, trying to convince us all on numerous talk shows that this Catwoman was the sexiest thing on the screen.
And, lord, is it quite the opposite. Berry's catwoman is as alluring and sexy as some urine-soaked tramp sitting next to you on a bus. She ranges from acting really badly to just being plain embarrassing. When she's normal Patience Phillips (oh dear) she's bearable, if not exactly Oscar worthy (as she once was), but when she becomes Catwoman you really will be watching through your fingers as she says Miaow, "purrrrrrrfect", gets scared of the rain and hisses at dogs. Yes, all of this happens.
Add to the mix stereotypical sassy girlfriend, token gay guy making "funny faces" at her boyfriend, a ridiculous Sharon Stone and some beyond dodgy CGI and you have one movie that no amount of "taking it on the chin" good naturedness will save.
Nice Catwoman documentary on the DVD, mind. The rest is kitty litter.
