Post by trashcanman on Mar 3, 2015 1:23:01 GMT 2
In case you hadn't heard, monsterotica is taking over Amazon. That's "monster" plus "erotica" in book form. I blame 50 Shades. I though I might share what we're missing out on complete with official synopses. This shit had better not start showing up on my targeted adverts.
Wow, a true masterpiece from the author who brought us "Gay T-Rex Lawfirm: Executive Boner" and "I'm Gay for My Living Billionaire Jet Plane". Only $2.99 for 15 pages of anal devastation. You know you want it.
This one's 78 pages for a mere $.99. That really seems like a bargain after that shit the first guy was shoveling. Is it a bad sign that I'm comparing these for value?
You call that a monsterotica cover? For shame! That's clearly a fucking makeup advert stock image. This one only managed 12 pages (estimated......because they couldn't be bothered to count that high), but the good news is it's only part one of the Slut for Kaiju series. It's sure to be quite the epic.
That's a pretty dull synopsis, really. But I guess the author had to save those creative juices (so to speak) for the sprawling 34 page length and dat puntastic title. I'm a little deterred by the single solitary review which reads. That's pretty harsh criticism from someone with some pretty serious writing chops.
"Dubious consent"? 'Kaaaaaay.....[backs away slowly] Clearly the author of such 50 Shades knockoffs as Bound to Him: The Billionaire's Beck and Call, Book Two and the alarmingly similarly-titled Tied to Him: The Billionaire's Beck and Call, Book Three is just attempting to cash in on the zombie craze. She doesn't care about the art and passion of monsterotica at all; she's just trying to make a quick buck! Unforgivable.
Still, the top review on Goodreads (this one was actually booted from Amazon) states the following:
Well, if the sexxy bits don't start until the 10th page, what the fuck am I going to do for 10 pages? You've just lost yourself a sale. Good day, sir.
Jeff just can’t seem to catch a break. Once a working professional at the top of his game, a string of bad luck has sent Jeff to the gutter, literally, where he struggles to survive as a homeless man on Venice Beach.
Things go from bad to worse when Jeff is caught stealing a carnitas taco, and is promptly chased down by the Unicorn Butt Cops, a new branch of government that specializes in hot, gay, anal poundings on inline skates.
The sentence is for a hardcore, double anal threesome, but little do these unicorn cops know that Jeff is an expert in all things gay and anal, leading to a twist ending that’s sure to blow your mind!
This erotic tale is 4,300 words of sizzling human on unicorn action, including anal, double anal, threesomes, blowjobs, rough sex, and hardcore Unicorn Butt Cop punishment.
Things go from bad to worse when Jeff is caught stealing a carnitas taco, and is promptly chased down by the Unicorn Butt Cops, a new branch of government that specializes in hot, gay, anal poundings on inline skates.
The sentence is for a hardcore, double anal threesome, but little do these unicorn cops know that Jeff is an expert in all things gay and anal, leading to a twist ending that’s sure to blow your mind!
This erotic tale is 4,300 words of sizzling human on unicorn action, including anal, double anal, threesomes, blowjobs, rough sex, and hardcore Unicorn Butt Cop punishment.
Wow, a true masterpiece from the author who brought us "Gay T-Rex Lawfirm: Executive Boner" and "I'm Gay for My Living Billionaire Jet Plane". Only $2.99 for 15 pages of anal devastation. You know you want it.
For readers 18+ who are interested in sex, violence, mad scientists, dinosaurs, and death by nail polish!
Chastity Summers hasn’t had the best year. It’s been kind of on the sucky side in fact.
First she was infected with a retrovirus that super-boosted her pheromones, making her a sweet smelling piece of mancandy, which, as it turns out, isn’t all that sweet at all. She sweats... men notice! She runs… men chase! Then her boyfriend tried his damnedest to break the space-time continuum and ends up with his brain in a box.
And if life wasn’t enough, now she’s got to save a group of mad scientists from dinosaurs.
Chastity Summers hasn’t had the best year. It’s been kind of on the sucky side in fact.
First she was infected with a retrovirus that super-boosted her pheromones, making her a sweet smelling piece of mancandy, which, as it turns out, isn’t all that sweet at all. She sweats... men notice! She runs… men chase! Then her boyfriend tried his damnedest to break the space-time continuum and ends up with his brain in a box.
And if life wasn’t enough, now she’s got to save a group of mad scientists from dinosaurs.
This one's 78 pages for a mere $.99. That really seems like a bargain after that shit the first guy was shoveling. Is it a bad sign that I'm comparing these for value?
When kaiju — giant city-smashing monsters — threaten the world, there's only one person who can fight them: Lt. Fay Murphy, the 150-foot-tall woman! But when Fay encounters the bull-like Minotauros, she finds the monster doesn't want her head. It wants her kaiju maidenhead. Will Fay go all the way to save the world?
The first chapter in "Slut For Kaiju," a serialized erotic novel featuring no-positions-barred kaiju-on-giant-human action! For adults only!
The first chapter in "Slut For Kaiju," a serialized erotic novel featuring no-positions-barred kaiju-on-giant-human action! For adults only!
You call that a monsterotica cover? For shame! That's clearly a fucking makeup advert stock image. This one only managed 12 pages (estimated......because they couldn't be bothered to count that high), but the good news is it's only part one of the Slut for Kaiju series. It's sure to be quite the epic.
Marsha has just broken up with her boyfriend of four years, Gary, who dumped her for a younger woman. Depressed, slightly overweight, and now in her thirties, she travels to California to go on a hiking trip with her best friend from college, Stacey. Follow her on an adventure where she learns that Gary and all the other "human" men just don't stack up when compared to the Yeti.
That's a pretty dull synopsis, really. But I guess the author had to save those creative juices (so to speak) for the sprawling 34 page length and dat puntastic title. I'm a little deterred by the single solitary review which reads
Do not purchase ! What a waste of time and money! This book was about noting. No story line and just not worth it"
Rose has one rule when it comes to staying alive in the post-apocalyptic hellscape she calls home: Stay sharp. If you're not sharp, you could miss something, and when you miss something, that's when they get you--The Sex Zombies.
If they make you cum, you die, turning into a mindless, horny, walking corpse.
When Rose saves Jake from a horde of the undead, she knows right away he's not good for her survival. He's hot as hell, but sex is one distraction that could get them killed. Will he be the something that dulls her edge, or will they both make it to safety with their underwear in tact?
Warning: This 4300 word short story contains dubious consent, sex with the undead, forced seduction, and a ghastly gangbang you'll have to read about to believe! (less)
If they make you cum, you die, turning into a mindless, horny, walking corpse.
When Rose saves Jake from a horde of the undead, she knows right away he's not good for her survival. He's hot as hell, but sex is one distraction that could get them killed. Will he be the something that dulls her edge, or will they both make it to safety with their underwear in tact?
Warning: This 4300 word short story contains dubious consent, sex with the undead, forced seduction, and a ghastly gangbang you'll have to read about to believe! (less)
"Dubious consent"? 'Kaaaaaay.....[backs away slowly] Clearly the author of such 50 Shades knockoffs as Bound to Him: The Billionaire's Beck and Call, Book Two and the alarmingly similarly-titled Tied to Him: The Billionaire's Beck and Call, Book Three is just attempting to cash in on the zombie craze. She doesn't care about the art and passion of monsterotica at all; she's just trying to make a quick buck! Unforgivable.
Still, the top review on Goodreads (this one was actually booted from Amazon) states the following:
delilah fawkes is the gold standard for monsterotica.
and i don't feel obligated to say this about her because she has been super-helpful to me in all of our interactions, or because she gave me her seeeecret code to read this for free, or even because she wrote this one at a request from sunny, which shows what good people she is.
this is just...good.
and i am not even saying that it is good... for monster porn. it is just good-good, and the sexxy bits don't even start until page 10 of the 13-page story.
and i don't feel obligated to say this about her because she has been super-helpful to me in all of our interactions, or because she gave me her seeeecret code to read this for free, or even because she wrote this one at a request from sunny, which shows what good people she is.
this is just...good.
and i am not even saying that it is good... for monster porn. it is just good-good, and the sexxy bits don't even start until page 10 of the 13-page story.
Well, if the sexxy bits don't start until the 10th page, what the fuck am I going to do for 10 pages? You've just lost yourself a sale. Good day, sir.
