Post by The Curmudgeon on Aug 24, 2007 22:22:10 GMT 2
The unthinkable happens: R Kelly gets WORSE.
Hoo boy, have I been itching to review this one. Now, as I've mentioned before, I often only hit one target once and then leave them alone. That is, I don't slate EVERY single and album some awful artist has ever released (would you like to see page after page of Celine Dion reviews, for example?) and R Kelly (or "Kels" as absolutely NO-ONE calls him - no matter how many times he tries to squeeze it into his songs) has already been in these pages before. That's why you didn't see his laughable 175 part (well, it felt like it) "Coming Out Of The Closet" soap opera thing in here. Trust me - its here in spirit.
But this? This is even worse. No, seriously - and it employs the talents of someone who hasn't been in the Official Room 101 of Amazon.com before - Usher - and turns him into his right-hand man. Poor guy. Usher - fire your manager.
Anyway, let's talk about the song itself. First of all - it's rubbish. A self-indulgent 4 minute prattle that goes nowhere and does nothing, and it's another one of those stupid "let's pretend we're having a conversation in a song" things that R Kelly insists on doing nowadays.
So, in this baffling song we learn that Kelly and Usher are dating the, correct, - same girl. They come to this conclusion through a variety of intimate questions such as if she has a kid, where she works, where she went to university and, um, if she "loves some Waffle House?"
Man, that must be some intense relationship. This girl, who was to be Kelly's "potential wife", her personality is summed up by the fact she likes to eat waffles. Why, Kels - you old romantic.
Now, not only is the song garbage, the accompanying video makes ZERO sense. After they plan to show up at the same restaurant and freak the girl out, it turns out that, be still my aching sides, that she has an identical twin sister. Isn't that the funniest, most original, MINDBLOWING concept ever? Well, no, but it doesn't make the slightest iota of sense either.
Check this out: from this song and the various little facts we heard, we can gather that this girl..
Works in the same place, doing the same job - as her twin.
Went to the same university - as her twin.
Drives the same car with the same registration plate - as her twin.
Has the same birth mark AND tattoo - as her twin.
Lives in the same street and same house - as her twin.
Not only that, but you would think, after getting to know this girl so well that you want to marry her, that she may have mentioned, like, in passing, that she had an identical twin sister.. who happened to be dating Usher? I dunno, surely that little fact would have popped up in-between mouthfuls of waffle?
Some of you may point out that its just a song, that its just a music video and not to take it too seriously. Which would be fine if it weren't R Kelly singing, who takes himself (and every song he sings) VERY seriously indeed. Hey, he is "the king of R&B," remember? Plus, I can let pretty much any awful, stupid, poorly written lyrics slide if they're attached to a decent song - and this sure ain't one of them.
Besides, if Usher were dating a girl that everyone's favourite comedy kiddy fiddler R Kelly would be interested in, wouldn't the song go something like:
"Dude, is she thirteen?"
"Yup"
"Does she like being filmed?"
"Yup"
"Does she like it when a dude pees over her?"
"Yup."
Etc etc. It might even make for a better song, and it would certainly be more realistic. As it is, R Kelly becomes an even bigger self-parody and embarrassment with every God-awful piece of insipid, tuneless dross he releases.
Usher - just let the machine get it next time.
See R. Kelly and Usher: Same Girl
www.youtube.com/watch?v=nU8fcEma1Z4
