Is Superman the most boring superhero ever?

[The Curmudgeon]

Well, I've finally (FINALLY) managed to watch Superman Returns, and what a fucking snore of a movie that was. Seriously, is there a DULLER character than Superman in the entire world of comics?

It's actually pretty frustrating that Supes is the most famous superhero of all time, with even the most anti-comic book guy out there knowing the likes of Jimmy Olsen and Lois Lane.

And the big question is... WHY? He's dull in Smallville, smug and hateful in Lois and Clarke and like a board of wood in a cape in Superman Returns. It's true I've never been a fan of DC (crap characters, stupid, irritating concepts like Zero Hour and Earth 1 and 2 and all that shit) so I guess it's kinda fitting that their poster boy is quite possibly the worst mainstream superhero in history.

Any Man Of Steel fans wanting to kill me yet?

[InvisibleWolfMan]

The Curmudgeon,

You know what Superman's problem really is? He too goddamned nice. You can only write "nice guy" for a few times before he seems like a wart on one's genitals that just won't go away.

A good example of this is Mickey Mouse. If you watch the first few Black & White Mickey Mouse cartoons, it's like night and day. He smokes, drinks, is painfully cruel and has a general disregard for others. He just always ended up doing the right thing, didn't necessarily mean he was pure in any sense. Then Walt slowly made him nicer. And after that (roughly 4-5 cartoons after STEAMBOAT WILLY) you get the sinking sensation you're watching the same goddamned cartoon. This is what writing for Superman is like, because he's too nice.

Batman doesn't have that problem. He's a boyscout at heart, but he's a PSYCHOTIC one. You know he's gonna SNAP at some point. He just happens to have alot of equally or twice as psychotic villains to go up against. It's that uneasy edge that keep that motherfucker interesting, especially when he suddenly stops caring (KILLING JOKE anyone?).

The best moment in any of the Superman films is in Superman III is Evil Superman. Christopher Reeve does such an amazing job with those moments that you almost forgive Richard Pryor being in the film.

The problems with SUPERMAN RETURNS are too numerous to mention here, but I can point out:

* Lex Luthor marrying...for money. Uh...no.
* Superman fathers child with Lois. Uh...quadruple gazillion NO!
* Lex's plan is to make land out of Kryptonian Crystals. Uh...BORING!
* Constant "wink-wink...it's another clever nod to the original Superman movies Wink, WINK, WIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK"

Thankfully, it wasn't as bad as Superman IV: The Quest For Peace. Unfortunately, it didn't include Nuclear Man either so they cancel each other out.

Oh, and let's just wash our hands clean of LOIS & CLARK. It was written for the ladies who loved Superman and you know...there are ALOT of women out there who like their men smug and hateful. Why else was I, Mr. Nice Guy, single during grades 7-11 while the most sexist, vile and stuck up assholes got laid like every day was Christmas? Plus...it was the 90's, smug and hateful were handed out as samples at the local supermarkets next to the Pepsi taste test booths.

Best Regards,

InvisibleWolfMan

[trashcanman]

I've been saying the same thing for years. Supes is not only dull with a phenominally shallow rogues gallery, but he has every fucking superpower they could imagine back then. And I'm not even counting that retarded thing in "Superman 2" where he pulls this shit:
youtube.com/watch?v=RKjOqHtmKDE I love that movie, but that has got to be the lamest superhero move ever! Speed of light, unlimited strength, heat vision, ice breath, flight, turning back time, what the fuck man! How do you make a great character out of someone with no limits and a pure moral conscience? Crypto, Beppo, Superboy, dear God no!!! As for "Superman Returns" I loved the first half on the big screen, but the second half lost me completely. I won't be bothering with the sequel unless Darkseid is involved.... and he isn't. As far as DC goes, Batman is everything a great (anti)hero should be. The rest of the characters are mostly filler in my book. I will throw it up for DC's animation crew, though. They did an unbelievable job with Bats, Supes, the Justice League, and the unspeakably kickass "Justice League Unlimited" which encompassed the entire DC universe and even made Captain Marvel (that's right, the "SHAZAAM!" guy) seem relevnt for an episode. If I were Marvel Comics, I would move heaven and earth to get those guys to switch sides and make an Avengers series and then on to the rest of the Marvel U. It would be the greatest thing ever; I would most likely weep at the news. Coolest superhero ever? Deadpool, baby. Now there's my kind of character. We glimpsed images of him in the 90's X-men series, but he's never really been shown outside of the comic medium which is a goddamned shame.

[The Curmudgeon]

After I had written my Superman rant I stopped and thought, "hmm, I should have said Batman was good, though.." but, nyah, that's a given.

Superman is just TOO powerful. How can you pull for a character when he has absolutley no way of being beaten except for (yaaaaawn) Kryptonite? I always get a little thrill watching someone beat the shit out of him (even if I know Superman will win in the end). Did you see the issue where Thor fought Superman? Superman won, of course. How the FUCK does an alien beat a GOD? Same goes for the Hulk, although Hulk did break his jaw (and Thor knocked the shit out oh him with his hammer). But like I said, he has no limits and is therefore utterly dull. I would actually hate to have to write comics for the guy.

Deadpool is 100 kinds of awesome. I love his little post-modern quips on the comic covers, and did you ever see when there was some galactic battle between the Marvel universe? Like, Spider-Man had to fight Wolverine etc? Every fight had a boxing match type "VS" intro, and the next match was "DEADPOOL VS HULK". Deadpool says "exCUSE me?" and its a one page fight where you see Hulk flying towards Deadpool, who's saying "oh.. like THIS is fair!"

Sorry, I'm being nerdy. I'll shut up now. Bottom line - Deadpool cool.

[trashcanman]

Here's my personal favorite Deadpool moment, and also the quickest way to pick a fight with Wolverine.

Kitty Pride learns to watch her mouth: static.flickr.com/64/213545477_4d5de7344b.jpg\

I also damn near fell out of my chair laughing when he got Thor's powers (costume and all), but I couldn't find that panel online; let's just say he begins by singing "God of Thunder" by KISS and proceeds to fly up to an office-building window and ask a terrified woman for some grey poupon. Those writers are geniuses. What's Superman done lately??? Oh yeah, he's an illegitimate father of a superpowered little kid. Yay?

[The Curmudgeon]

Deadpool dragon punching Kitty Pryde = one of my new favourite comic book moments.

I haven't actually read too much of Deadpool, and I hate the fact he's just some generic bad guy in the Ultimate series (one of the few poor choices they made for the series - the shitty Venom and Carnage updates being prime examples).

[xfiruath]

You know I've never actually read any of the Batman comics. Batman Begins and the upcoming sequel may change that though, now that he actually seems like a relevant character with honest to god motiviations and reasons to exist. Up till now my comic reading had been pretty much restricted to the occasional issue of the Record of Lodoss War series (got into that for awhile after seeing the original animated series - loved that it was basically D&D done japanese anime style), and several online comics that are much more comedy oriented like the awesome Belphegor series. If you've never read them, you should (www.belph.com) and I'd recommend starting at the beggining. Curmedgeon in particular will probably appreciate the humor. A passing knowledge of the history of the name is also somewhat required - for those who don't know Belphegor was a demon lord referenced in medievel texts. The humorous thing about him (and the hook of the comic strip) is that the several hundred year old drawings of him make it look like he's sitting on a modern toilet - and worshipers at the time were supposed to give him sacrfices of human feces. Much hilarity was bound to ensue.

[xfiruath]

In regards to Superman:

The whole "I have an infinite number of powers and can't be destroyed" thing is rather boring, but what really got me in the movie was the way Superman is handled. Any movie requires at least a small suspension of disbelief to be enjoyed. Fantasy movies, especially ones with superheroes, require a good deal more than the average flick, which is fine, entertainment doesn't have to be believable. Superman, however, takes it to a whole new ridiculous level. He can carry an exploding plane miles to the ground, and then when he makes his appearance to the survivors - HIS HAIR IS STILL PERFECTLY COMBED. I understand that the whole exploding plane thing wouldn't actually HURT him, as he's an indestructible alien and everything, but why the hell didn't it even mess up his hair? I mean, if his hair is made of steel too, shouldn't that mean that it would be insanely long because no substance on earth could cut it?

And the "Gee, he kinda looks like Clark Kent" joke isn't funny. Taking your glasses off does not count as a disguise.