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Post by The Curmudgeon on Apr 27, 2008 20:49:39 GMT 2
First of all, whatever is suggested and talked about here won't actually appear for a little while (after my Uni work), but I thought I'd get the ball rolling just now anyway.
So here's the deal; I'm at 146 Amazon reviews right now, and as tradition states, every fifty reviews leads to a "celebration" of FIVE reviews of things I actually LIKE.
So what? Well, AFTER that, the next ten reviews will be a bit different as well. Yes, it's going to be more awful stuff but I'm going to go trawling through time and trying to find really bad music or movies from before I debuted on Amazon.
See, the thing with those Amazon reviews is that its all very time specific. Like, I'll see a terrible movie or hear a bad song and review it, but its more often than not fairly recent stuff (with the exception of some of the films, I suppose). But I just know there's a ton of bad music that has so far went unchallenged by your friendly neighbourhood Hate Monger (an oxmoron if ever there was).
So here's where YOU come in, loyal Dweller. Think hard, of terrible songs, terrible films, whatever, and suggest them here. I'm going to use five of my own once I decide on them, but I would very much appreciate some input here. Has there been an album that was baffingly succesful that you loathed, or a film you watched that was so wretched you felt like pulling your eyes out with spoons? Name it and shame it here and I'll see if it stirs any memories for me too.
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Post by InvisibleWolfMan on Apr 28, 2008 1:47:02 GMT 2
Mission: Impossible III Worst TV movie to EVER hit the screen....and I don't mean that it's based on the TV show. I mean it's LITERALLY filmed like a TV show would be. See the "exotic" locations look like backlots, 2nd unit and a whole lot of tight shots to give the "illusion" of being somewhere else than...oh...say CANADA. Spider-Man 3: Boy...this one sucked ASS. MAJOR ASS. I was sick of it within the first 10 minutes. By the time they got to the scene where Gwen was hanging on for dear life and someone recognized her from the ground when she's obviously near the upper half of a skyscraper WITHOUT binoculars I shut it off. This movie was changed to basically spell out shit for the non-canon scum crowd that would be paying rather than the intelligent comic book individual. You can hear it in the bullshit dialog within these first 10 minutes. Snoop Dogg - Sexual Seduction (Sensual Seduction is the "clean version").  What a piece of SHIT! It's got such ridiculous lyrics, doesn't sound like Snoop Dogg until he begins to rap (which is more of the hardcore style) and by then he sounds like he's the guest......ON HIS OWN SONG!  It's like "Snoop Dogg Ft. SNOOP DOGGY DOG". See this shit for your own self: www.youtube.com/watch?v=QETLPcWqjcw |
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Post by The Curmudgeon on Apr 28, 2008 2:59:15 GMT 2
Hmmm..
MI3 - never seen it. After that glowing review, never going to.
Spidey 3 - yeah, I was really disappointed with it too, but.. I couldn't. It's not THAT bad, certainly not bad enough to join the likes of Jaws IV, Supergirl and Coyote Ugly in my movie reviews.
Snoop Dogg - there's about 1000 Snoop Dogg tracks (not to mention movies) I could put in there, so I may well give him a much-needed induction. But not for that song, its only saving grace being that Snoop imitates the When Doves Cry video, and not in a mocking way either. He scored a point back for that.
Cheers for the suggestions, Wolfy - any more?
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Post by Benjamin Haines on Apr 28, 2008 5:13:56 GMT 2
Movies:
Dragon Wars (2007), Hostel (2006), Alien: Resurrection (1997), The Wicker Man (2006 remake), and Day of the Dead (2008, the recently released remake).
Also, whenever you finally see King Kong (1976), give that one a review if you find it worthy of but one star. I personally think it's fairly decent, it just pales too badly because it's a remake of a movie 20 million times better than it. I'd give it two stars out of five, or maybe even two and a fourth.
I would say anything by Uwe Boll, but that's just way too easy. Likewise, my contempt for the works of Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg (Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet The Spartans) makes me really want to see them lambasted by the Curmudgeon, but again, they're such an easy target since virtually everybody who isn't scum bashes them to the ninth level of Hell already.
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Post by trashcanman on Apr 28, 2008 11:41:33 GMT 2
I love Hostel, Ben! Come on, man, it's the TCM this generation, but with mad gore. Takashi Miike (who had a cameo) has declared that he's decided against making films in America because we already have Eli Roth. Talk about praise from the master! Try watching it with a satirical eye next time. You'd be suprised how much subtle black comedy Roth crams into his films. Suggestions....hmmmm...I suck at this because I knows what I hates and I steers clear whenever possible. How about "Bloodrayne" (or have you done it already?), "Chocolate Starfish" by Limp Bizkit, "The Fog" remake, anything by the band Poison (oh yeah, I said it!), LFO's "Summer Girls" youtube.com/watch?v=NHuGG_FsC20, "Crash" aka "everybody in the world is really over-the-top insane with racism: The Movie", Vanilla Ice, any Toby Keith, this: youtube.com/watch?v=T9VzEulip9Q, even worse: youtube.com/watch?v=doF19W6Dp8k. Modern country really sucks; it's like a nuclear ignorance war between country and hip-hop right now. Marky fucking Mark of Mark Wahlburg fame youtube.com/watch?v=yDitzatrWyA and that's not even the one where he runs around with his pants around his ankles. Enough, I'm depressed now. |
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Post by InvisibleWolfMan on Apr 29, 2008 1:25:57 GMT 2
The Curmudgeon,
I'm standing by my choices. I'm gonna to also fight hard for at least Snoop Dogg's SEXUAL SEDUCTION as well as SPIDER-MAN 3. For the case of Snoop Dogg, I'm asking you to honestly rate the music, NOT the video. Hell, I enjoyed the "retro" part of the video but really....close your eyes and listen to the song and it's lyrics. Is that something you'd choose to use as a way to seduce your lady....or is it something you'd use before you'd go out and start removing your own toenails with a "spork" (aka the spoon-fork like eating utensil you receive from Kentucky Fried Chicken with your order of coleslaw)? My bet is on the latter. Don't forget, this will be one of his more popular hits so your disapproval rating with the almighty scum will hit new lows!
As for SPIDER-MAN 3, it's easy to write it off because hey...it's Spider-Man and who doesn't root for Peter? Now what I want you to do is remove from your mind that this is a "superhero" movie and start thinking of it as an action drama. Should the audience be forced to have every clue verbally and visually highlighted to a degree that it almost seems like the actors are saying "Hey, that person in danger which I cannot really see from a distance is so important I'll tell the name because she's related to the guy who's about to notice her!" "Hey, that's right! She IS related to me, and she seems to be in some sort of danger as you can see as the camera follows my gaze upwards!" "Oh help! I'm an important character hanging on for dear life related to the guy below who the other guy just pointed out before! My age is so obvious so you know the guy who will save me knows of me too and I will become the third wheel in this love tricycle...."
I love Spidey, but I've seen actual spiderwebs more thrilling than the scripted drama of SPIDER-MAN 3.
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Post by trashcanman on May 1, 2008 4:23:36 GMT 2
I'm with you on SM3, Wolfman. I don't have time for a rant right now, but I could be here all night counting up it's flaws just from having watched the midnight preview showing last year. Studying it on DVD is not something I've opted to put myself through or else I'd probably take all week.
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Post by Ben on May 1, 2008 4:45:03 GMT 2
I've said it before Curmudgeon, and I'll say it again: William Hung. The man represents everything that's wrong in our world... minus the violence. But then again, just listening to him (sing) could cause whoever is listening to commit any number of unthinkable atrocities against those nearby.
I'd name a specific album, but it barely matters. They're all terrible. This is a man who was paid to sing BAD for crying out loud.
I'd have to agree with Ben Haines as well. Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans. Complete trash.
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Post by The Curmudgeon on May 23, 2008 19:55:58 GMT 2
Well, the first review suggestion has been posted and its.. (drum roll)
Ben's suggestion of - the William Hung CD.
I had never heard of this guy before you mentioned him Ben, and I'm not sure how I should feel about you bringing him into my life. Should I thank you or ban you for life?
Of course its a thanks - Know Your Enemy, as an old album of mine told me. Thanks for the tip, Ben.
So - I have FOUR spaces left - any more suggestions?
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What a piece of SHIT! It's got such ridiculous lyrics, doesn't sound like Snoop Dogg until he begins to rap (which is more of the hardcore style) and by then he sounds like he's the guest......ON HIS OWN SONG! 
It's like "Snoop Dogg Ft. SNOOP DOGGY DOG". See this shit for your own self:.jpeg)
