Post by The Curmudgeon on Jul 4, 2008 15:29:14 GMT 2
Hey guys, 1997 called; they want their suck back.
Awww, remember boybands? Remember the time when there seemed to be a new bunch of lip-syncing idiots on MTV every week, with bright clothes and brighter teeth, clenching their fists and opening their shirts in the rain? Remember how they used to clog up the charts with their soul-less, moribund pap? Dark days, my friends. And yet, and yet.. part of me misses it.
Hear me out. You see, back in ye olden days of the 90s you could still, if you closed your eyes really tight and wished upon a star, believed that the music these drones were singing actually reflected how they felt. Y'know, like they actually sat down and wrote the damn things. Nowadays, with every other reality show ripping the guts from the pop music business (the music channels themselves are particularly guilty of this) and showing how exploitive and cynical it all really is - that innocent magic is long, long gone. And so these 4 new chancers are a real blast from the past.
They're a NEW pop act that weren't brought together through a reality show. Like their manager suddenly thought; "hey, you know what stupid girls would like again? An honest to goodness, old fashioned boyband. With dance moves and non-threatening looks and everything. It'll be great and it'll make a fortune. And then we can party like its 199..7."
And hey, believe it or not, part of The Curmudgeon would be all for it, if they had the personality and, more importantly, the songs, that the band they supported recently (Girls Aloud) have. But hoo boy, they really, REALLY don't.
In the 1990s there were a glut of boybands thrown at the chart, a sort of "throw enough crud at the walls and see what sticks" kind of approach. Some did, but some slid right down into the bowels of Hell (also known as "Celebrity Big Brother"). And Billiam have that same stench of EPIC FAIL written all over them.
They've got two singles released so far (my guesses will be three and out), and it was a tough choice picking which particular disasterpiece to induct here. But this song, "Beautiful Ones" (NOT a Prince cover, thank God, or I would actually have hired a hit-man to gun them all down) is another "hey.. fat, spotty girl with the tombstone teeth - you're beautiful INSIDE and that's what counts" sanctimonious, condescending lump of drivel that is as insincere as it sounds. Especially when a line like "fame isn't holy" comes from such obvious desperate, fame-hungry wannabe's. And why is it always the really good looking people that tell you looks aren't important? First Christina, now these goofs. Oh, and then they add that "we deserve a lot more than Angelina Jolie." I would be quite happy with Angelina Jolie, thank you very much. But you, me and everyone in the world certainly deserves more than Billiam.
It's a dated act and a dated sound that has no place in 2001, never mind 2008. I imagine the record manager thought the world was ready for a traditional boyband again. Maybe it is - but it sure ain't this one.
Billiam: The Beautiful Ones
