Does TCM have the worst franchise of all time?

[The Curmudgeon]

A short while ago, I began a discussion about horror franchises, and I suggested that perhaps, out of all the Nightmares, Halloweens and Fridays that perhaps Psycho has the best horror franchise of them all. Unrelated, pointless remake (but then, what horror film isn't remade crappily these days?) aside - Psycho II, III and even IV all have good moments, and an always reliably excellent turn from Anthony Perkins.

After sitting through Texas Chainsaw Massacre III and Next Generation, (I still couldn't bring myself to sit through the wretched farce that is TCM 2 again.. I waited fucking YEARS to see that and felt beyond cheated after seeing it), I've arrived at this conclusion;

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre series is the worst horror franchise of all time.

Now, I know you could throw "Leprechaun" at me, and granted those films are worse than pretty much anything else on earth, but then the original film was shit as well. With TCM, they've taken a visceral, vital horror film that almost makes you think you're running from the damn chainsaw yourself - and manages to ruin everything about it.

The sequel, at least, had a sense of continuity, bringing back Paw and
showing the corpse of the Hitchhiker. But it was still God-awful, replacing finger-chewing scares for cheap schlock, Leatherface attacking people with a chainsaw on a moving car and, ugh, Chop-Top.

So come part III, they've done a "it never happened" on us and ignored the sequel altogether, and made "Leatherface" the direct sequel, even referencing the ending of the first film with Leather having a bad leg. No problem. Only - where the fuck is Paw? And who are these other freaks he's suddenly hanging around with? Why is that other guy acting like the Hitchhiker? Where did Maw spring from? And instead of characters behaving like you actually WOULD if you were attacked by cannibals, now these guys are spouting one-liners, coming back from being decapitated with a chainsaw (sporting a BANDAGE) and going toe-to-toe with Leatherface.

Cut to part IV, and the whole thing has turned to complete shit. TCM TNG (uh.. yeah) doesn't even know what the hell it is - a sequel? A reboot? A remake? Pass. But bring in a whole new family of savage rednecks (does Leatherface just keep getting adopted from psycho family to psycho family?) and then add in some bizarre, nonsense about government conspiracies and then a pointless cameo from the chick from the first film ("do you know who that woman is?" - Um, NOOO, otherwise it would be a SEQUEL, not a remake - and if it IS a sequel, why do all the same things from the first film keep happening? And why would a woman, attacked in the '70s, still be in a hospital? And why would she be looking at you like that? And how could you possibly know her in the first place? And now, sequel or remake or whatever it is you're attempting - your film makes absolutely no fucking sense whatsoever.. thanks for that)

So, proof if proof were needed - the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (without going into remake and its sequel) is the worst horror franchise of all time.

Thoughts?

[trashcanman]

4 was just embarrassing. I cannot for the life of me remember why the hell I even sat through it. I actually liked 2, not because it was a good sequel but because it was so batshit insane that I laughed my way through it. The scene where Leatherface thrusts his chainsaw at that chick like it was his cock is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. A terrible sequel, but a great horror-comedy on PCP. I've heard about 3 and avoided it.

[The Curmudgeon]

I've avoided it like the plague, but has anyone seen "The Beginning?"

[InvisibleWolfMan]

You brought up one of my FAVORITE topics and that's discussing TCM and the sequels/remakequels (let's face it, the new ones aren't exactly remakes nor are they sequels). Here's how I feel about each one:

TCM: Intense. The mood builds and holds until the end where you are busting out of that window with Sally, running for dear life and not looking back in fear of the devil finally claiming you. Sure, if you set aside the tension you could poke a lot of holes into the plotline. According to Tobe Hooper and Kim Henkle, this film was riddled with black humor. Hard to see it, huh? The tension keeps it well hidden.

TCM 2: Batshit insane, just like trashcanman said. Actually the first TCM movie I had the "pleasure" of watching. By that, I mean not sleeping well for days. And I couldn't help but laugh though I was only 10 and hiding my eyes from the blood when I could manage. The black humor takes a front seat here which makes the tension of the first go away. Delivers on the gore and raises itself above normal sequel status but as always...falls short of greatness.

TCM 3: Returning to keeping the tension going, it just can't maintain it's pace. Some of the footage cut away by the displeased studio heads might have saved it some. Also, Ken Foree was NOT supposed to return at the end. The original test audience liked his character too much and the studio forced him back. The director got in such a fight with the studio over edits and production it almost became "An Alan Smithee Film." Studio interference and a bad misunderstanding on continuity (i.e. the "new family") made a bad taste in a perfectly serviceable sequel.

TCM-TNG: Kim Henkle...Ed Wood called, wants his WORST MOVIE EVER MADE title back with $100 and a note saying "Sorry we stole it from you. Won't happen again for obvious reasons." The Curmudgeon is right...is this a sequel? Remake? Nope, it's the first "remakequel" for TCM. He rehashes the first TCM under new settings and throws in a government conspiracy plot to boot. Apparently this ALSO has a longer cut that goes as far as to tie up a few more open ends of the plot but even so that doesn't save it.

Bay's TCM : A few twists aside, we rehash yet again the original. More tension than the previous films before it lifts it up a bit but really only to JUST above TCM 3...and barely so.

TCM - The Beginning : Explaining Leatherface to the degree this film did should have killed this film. It's done in a way you eventually forget how he started and rather focus on the how he starts to use the chainsaw. It's effective enough and strong enough to compete with TCM 2 but loses out because it's alternative cannon.

[trashcanman]

Personally, I've always found the original to be a very funny movie at times. But then again, I'm a bit sick in the head. The word "remakequel" just reminded me of my least favorite horror series. "The Howling". The original joins TCM among my very favorites of all time, but there is not one sequel I've sat through that didn't make me want to hurl something into my television. The worst offender: "Howling IV: The Original Nightmare", a remakequel that matches TCM-TNG in quality. If you don't believe me, watch the original, then that one.
This will be your reaction:

[The Curmudgeon]

I remember seeing Howling II and III - and then instantly wishing I hadn't. I mean, fuck, what happened to the Howling series? Why did they become so bargain basement? Isn't Howling III French or something?

I remember seeing Howling.. VI, I think, which took place in a carnival. Part of me quite enjoyed it (it was one of those "still up at 2am and look what's on" movies), and I remember laughing at the scene where the guy is being chased by the POV of the werewolf, and you can quite obviously see the reflection of the cameraman's shadow on the ground. Awesome.

I also found some black humour in TCM, but only after the second time I watched it. "Look what ya did to the damn door!" being one prime example, and the, ahem, "arm chair" being another.

I saw the original ending to TCM III (it's included on the DVD), and whilst its an improvement on having someone come back from the dead with a bandage on their head, it still didn't make any sense. Why was the little girl in the police car? Why didn't the police car stop? Was the police in on the whole thing? If so, why not kill the girl?

A million questions - zero answers. Bah.

[trashcanman]

Check out "The Howling: New Moon Rising". It's basically a murder-mystery where all of the characters spend the movie in a honky-tonk taking turns singing country music (seriously) and then a big werewolf reveal at the end followed by yet another onstage country music hodown to celebrate. Unbefuckinglievable. I'd recommend it just because it's so bizarre. In one (I think 3, titled "The Marsupials") they actually MOCKED the original's awesome transformation sequence! They fucking MOCKED IT! Oh, alright then, your embarrassing romance sequel about a werewolf lady with a gross pouch and special effects worthy of a child's Halloween party seems way cooler because you showed a scene from a movie in your movie with a deliberately shitty transformation mirroring the iconic scene from the original. Yeah, real cool. God, do I hate those movies! And I say that as a man who will watch absolutely anything with a werewolf in it.

[The Curmudgeon]

Aug 15, 2008 11:06:22 GMT 2 trashcanman said:

And I say that as a man who will watch absolutely anything with a werewolf in it.

If I am ever looking for quotes to establish the values and attitudes that represent this website - THAT is definitely going to be one of them.

Regarding the Howling sequels, you have to wonder what they were thinking with the second film. Who thinks that either a film called "Howling II: Werewolf Bitch" isn't suitable, so they change it to "Howling II: Your Sister is a Werewolf"?

As for lampooning the original films transformation scene, the only scene that makes me laugh from the original film is the ending. Man, even when I was about 12 I "LOL'd" at that. Oh no - it's the attack of Poodle Woman!